2nd opinion appt

Long time, no blog! You may notice that suddenly tonight there are posts in the last month that weren't there before. I've been typing them, but just haven't felt much like posting. Not sure why really, just wanted time to myself.

Anyways, I know some people were wanting to know how my 2nd opinion appt with Dr. M went today, so here is a copy of an email I sent to some.

Also the 4G4G thing I mention is a blood clotting genetic thing that we got back in some lab results last week.

The appointment went really well - we really really like Dr. Moghadam. He really took the time to meet with us (1 ½ hours), got to know us, went through our chart, showed us nifty diagrams on his laptop, made sure we really understood things, etc. It put him in a tiny rough position, just because until we met he hadn’t seen the history. When we sat down he said that we had the thickest “new patient” chart that he’d seen. :) There were definite things that Dr. S did that he didn’t really agree with, or thought was pointless. He doesn’t particularly care for the use of Repronex – says it’s “old school.” He also isn’t a fan of the European drugs. Now a lot of that was because Dr. S was trying to save us money, which we appreciate.

I really appreciated that he acknowledged (more than once) that we’ve been through a lot – we’re “pros” at it – we’ve “been through the ringer.” He knows that we’re not newbies at this and that starting at the beginning is not an option. Also, because of all that we’ve done, he knows that we’re not ready for more IVF. He thinks that waiting on the FET is a good idea too.

I think that he was honest with us. He said that while he would change the protocol and use different drugs, as far as egg count goes, he probably wouldn’t get a different response. I am what I am. He agreed that I’m a mystery. He does think that my egg quality is good, which is nice. My FSH was good and while the lab we used is really good – they can only use what we give them to work with. He was very pleased that we had 4 make it to blast. He did an antral follicle count (tiny follicles at the beginning of the cycle) and I had 12 total. That’s low. It means that for whatever reason I just don’t have the quantity of other people. So where’s the breakdown? He’s not sure. He ordered some more b/w (things I’ve had done before – but in Aug of 2007.) We’re too late into this cycle to do anything so it’s another break one (which is what we wanted anyways.)

He would like to try a combo of Femera (pill, like Clomid, that I’ve been on before) and Follistim (an injectable.) The Femera would be taken on CD3-7, and the Follistim on 6-10. I’ll have a baseline u/s and then go in around CD11 or 12 to see what’s going on. We can try on our own or an IUI. He sees a lot of success with this protocol. It’s not that it may develop more eggs, it just may all happen in a different way. If this doesn’t work, then he most likely wants to do a laproscopy. He said he’ll get insurance to cover it – I’m almost thinking I may call back and talk to him about doing the lap first. I can understand where he’s coming from though – he’d like to see for himself how I respond, what’s going on before he does more tests and digs in deeper.

He’s willing to code things like Dr. S – painful periods/whatever – so that insurance will cover what it can. I don’t think he’ll do it to the extent of Dr. S, but hopefully enough that we can actually go to him.

He’s not sure that he sees a huge reason for me to stay on metformin. He’s checking fasting glucose/etc levels but then might take me off of it. I’m not sure how I feel about that and really, he said he’ll leave it up to me. I guess I feel like maybe I should meet with an endocrinologist?

On the 4G4G gene thing, he doesn’t think it’s relevant in TTC, other than I need to take a baby aspirin daily. He does think that I may have to take daily shots (heparin?) whenever I DO get pregnant, so it’s at least good to know. I may make an appt with a hematologist anyways since the lab results recommended it and I’d feel better.

So I think that we will give him a try. He was so nice and knowledgeable and I feel like he’s more with the new stuff than Dr. S is. After we left though I got more and more depressed. He DID give us hope, but I’m still so frustrated that no one can give us what we want. Answers. I want to know what’s wrong, I want to know how to fix it, etc. It’s not his fault, I just don’t think anyone can tell us. So anyways, that’s my update!

Support group

I joined the national infertility organization, RESOLVE, last year and have been on an email list since then about an Indy area support group. It meets once a month but I've always been too chicken to go.

I just recently got an email about the January meeting though and it somehow spoke to me. They were changing to 2 new leaders and it just seemed like the time to go. I'm so glad that I did! I don't know what I expected - actually wait, yes I do. Hello, my name is Laura and I'm infertile. (Luckily it didn't come to that!)

I don't want to get into it too much, but I really liked it and think it will be something that I continue to go to. If you want to get more info (they'd love to have the group grow!) there is information here.

2nd opinion

Well, we've made the decision to have a 2nd opinion appt somewhere. Originally we were going to start our FET cycle when AF arrived (yesterday) but I'm just not ready for that. I don't want to use them, when maybe there is something we can do first to help change the outcome of using them. I was so nervous about calling Kim (my nurse, who is a family friend and especially after the last 15 months w/ her, we're pretty close) and telling her, but she was so nice about it. She said that they actually encourage it, because their main goal is for me to get pregnant. If it happens somewhere else, great! She said another office may have other ideas because of other patients they've seen.

I still don't know that we'll actually switch to another doctor, but we'll at least meet with one and see what they can come up with for a "plan." Kim is copying all of my records so that I can send them to the new office.

Sooo, where should I go?!? I need someone who will really look at my chart, and take the time to try to come up with something that maybe isn't the "norm", who is maybe familiar with newer protocols/studies, etc.

I just can't shake the feeling that there is something there that we're all missing.

A bunch of random letters

We had some b/w done on the day of the wtf appt and finally have all of the results back. ANA, PAI-1, and a bunch of other random letters. Most came back ok, but the PAI-1 came back that I'm 4G4G. 5G5G is normal, then there is 4G5G, and then me. It doesn't have to mean a whole lot, although the lab report suggests I meet with a genetic counselor (Megan, I'll be calling you!) and a hematologist. It's a clotting problem apparently. Kim said that it could affect implanting, and the main fix is that I'll be taking a baby aspirin daily.

101 in 1001

Jason and I decided to do a 101 in 1001 list. I thought it was such a neat idea and it feel so motivated about it. I've become so lost in who I am, and I really feel like this will help. There are things that will be fun, that will help us grow, make us stronger, grow close to family/friends, and really - just get us out and about.

I just have to squelch the tiny voice in my head that says that if we were parents we wouldn't have time to do this. Because then I feel like a loser.

Appetizer tongs = tears??

I completely lost it after opening some fun appetizer tongs. (Actually it wasn't right when I opened them - it was when I got them back out once we got home.) I love to have people over, throw parties, whatever. I just don't feel like I can do that anymore because we seem to be the childless couple out of people we know. I'm sure a lot of this is in my own head, but I feel like I can't even invite our friends over because I know they won't be able to come. It's easier to go to other peoples houses because then they can put their baby to bed and stay up. I understand that, love going to other houses, and it makes sense, but I suddenly became really upset that I can't have dinner parties. And then it seemed like such a waste that we decorated for Christmas and put up our tree because no one got to see it. So basically I was feeling completely sorry for myself. Last night Anne and I were enjoying a few glasses of wine though and I was talking to her about it. I realized that really, I've never given anyone the chance. I just assume no one will want to make the effort to come to our house, and don't give them the chance.