Confessions of a POASaholic

I threw away our sharps container last night and it was one of the best feelings. I really can’t tell you how relieved I feel. Regardless of the outcome, after the IUI tomorrow, it’s over for awhile. I didn’t realize how much I’d started to resent having to do all of this, and how tired/emotionally drained/frustrated I really was, until just the last few weeks. I think it’s good though – I’m not having to talk myself into taking a break – I actually WANT to. I’m obviously still going to be devastated if it doesn’t work this cycle, but am looking forward to some time off. I also have (probably unrealistic, but maybe not) hope that if it doesn’t work this cycle, maybe sometime in the extended break my body will decide to work on its own and we’ll get pregnant.

With that, I’ve decided to say goodbye to the blog for awhile. It’s been a great outlet for me and I appreciate all of the support/comments that you’ve left. It’s just time for us to take a step back and reclaim who we are. I’ve realized lately that I’ve become just an infertile woman, just a woman trying to have a baby. I am so much more than that, and it’s something that I need to remember. While in most ways going through this has made us stronger, it has also been tough on Jason and I.

So the plan is the IUI tomorrow, progesterone starting on Sunday, and then in a few weeks we’ll know. Regardless of the outcome we want some time to digest it and keep to ourselves. Either way, I promise not to leave everyone in the dark for too long. :)

If it’s not successful, we’ll be taking that break for an undetermined amount of time. I’ll stay on the metformin, and in theory after time it may actually correct my insulin/hormone issues and that may be all that it takes. I might chart/do OPKs/etc, or I might not. For once, I don’t have a set plan. (Not that my plans every actually stayed the same – I was constantly changing them.)

So again, thank you all so much! I’m so lucky to have such great friends!

Love,
Laura