I'm back to work today after laying in bed for 41 hours straight (minus the 7 short bathroom trips.) My head hurts, I'm tired, and I'm irritable. You'd think that I'd feel refreshed after "relaxing" the past two days. I just feel like I should still be at home, giving the little embryos the best chance at snuggling in. It just sucks to be back in the real world.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Bedrest pictures
All set up with food, drinks, dvds, books, magazines, laptop, etc ... all ready to go!
Me and the kitties (Ignore the no shower look - I spent 41 hours in bed!)
Our little embryos (circled in red) and my huge bladder
Me and the kitties (Ignore the no shower look - I spent 41 hours in bed!)
Our little embryos (circled in red) and my huge bladder
Monday, March 23, 2009
2 little embryos have been transferred
After a stressful week of possibly canceling and having to keep increasing estrogen, we finally decided at 1pm yesterday to go forward with the transfer this morning. That led to a whole new stress, and honestly, I was a complete wreck this morning. Didn't sleep, threw up a few times, etc. And then the valium kicked in and I was happy again. :)
I was convinced that we'd get there and neither would have survived the thaw. I was wrong! We transferred in an expanding blast, and then a morula (also good, just not quite a blast yet.) Morula means mulberry in latin, which I liked for some reason.
The worst part of the whole thing was the urge to pee! I didn't have quite a full enough bladder last time so they had me start drinking water earlier today. I thought I was going to pee in the middle of it! Then they used a catheter to drain the bladder afterwards and that was such a wierd feeling. I didn't feel like I was peeing, yet the full bladder feeling was going away. Very odd!
So anyways, now I'm on bedrest with books, dvds, movies, snacks, drinks, and my laptop surrounding me. And we wait for 2 weeks!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Update
After a short hiatus, Jason and I are sort of back at it all. We had a second opinion appt with Dr. M and while we really liked him, he didn't have any "ah hah!" revelations that would cause us to switch to him. We're nearing the end of our TTC road anyways, so we decided to just finish with Dr. S. I started shots this week for our FET cycle and we'll (hopefully!) be transferring our two little frozen embryos on March 23.
Also, and I'm so excited about this, we have decided to pursue adoption! In fact, this FET cycle is almost more of a "let's just get this over with" sort of feeling, which is bizarre. Obviously I'll be thrilled if it works and we don't go down this path, but we are at peace with our decision about adoption and I'm looking forward to getting started (and scared to death!) We're actually going ahead and meeting with one agency on March 8th and another on March 18th.
The big turning point for me was Christmas Eve. We were at mass and a little boy (4 maybe?) sang a solo in Silent Night. His dad was sitting in front of me videotaping and it just became too much for me. Finally, being pregnant wasn't as important - having the family, videotaping our kids at a Christmas program (even as silly as that sounds), etc - is what we want. Obviously I'm going to miss the experience of being pregnant and that makes me sad, but once we bring that baby home, that part isn't going to matter anymore.
So anyways, that's what's going on with us! I'm not going to say that I'm always calm and happy about it all - and I know that this road will be just as difficult (if not more) but I'm happier than I have been in awhile, so that's nice.
In non TTC news - I got a sewing machine for my birthday! I've never really sewn much in my adult life (except for a hooded baby towel I made for a friend a few months ago) and have become obsessed now! I'm still learning, but I love it!
So that's it from me! :)
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
2nd opinion appt
Long time, no blog! You may notice that suddenly tonight there are posts in the last month that weren't there before. I've been typing them, but just haven't felt much like posting. Not sure why really, just wanted time to myself.
Anyways, I know some people were wanting to know how my 2nd opinion appt with Dr. M went today, so here is a copy of an email I sent to some.
Also the 4G4G thing I mention is a blood clotting genetic thing that we got back in some lab results last week.
The appointment went really well - we really really like Dr. Moghadam. He really took the time to meet with us (1 ½ hours), got to know us, went through our chart, showed us nifty diagrams on his laptop, made sure we really understood things, etc. It put him in a tiny rough position, just because until we met he hadn’t seen the history. When we sat down he said that we had the thickest “new patient” chart that he’d seen. :) There were definite things that Dr. S did that he didn’t really agree with, or thought was pointless. He doesn’t particularly care for the use of Repronex – says it’s “old school.” He also isn’t a fan of the European drugs. Now a lot of that was because Dr. S was trying to save us money, which we appreciate.
I really appreciated that he acknowledged (more than once) that we’ve been through a lot – we’re “pros” at it – we’ve “been through the ringer.” He knows that we’re not newbies at this and that starting at the beginning is not an option. Also, because of all that we’ve done, he knows that we’re not ready for more IVF. He thinks that waiting on the FET is a good idea too.
I think that he was honest with us. He said that while he would change the protocol and use different drugs, as far as egg count goes, he probably wouldn’t get a different response. I am what I am. He agreed that I’m a mystery. He does think that my egg quality is good, which is nice. My FSH was good and while the lab we used is really good – they can only use what we give them to work with. He was very pleased that we had 4 make it to blast. He did an antral follicle count (tiny follicles at the beginning of the cycle) and I had 12 total. That’s low. It means that for whatever reason I just don’t have the quantity of other people. So where’s the breakdown? He’s not sure. He ordered some more b/w (things I’ve had done before – but in Aug of 2007.) We’re too late into this cycle to do anything so it’s another break one (which is what we wanted anyways.)
He would like to try a combo of Femera (pill, like Clomid, that I’ve been on before) and Follistim (an injectable.) The Femera would be taken on CD3-7, and the Follistim on 6-10. I’ll have a baseline u/s and then go in around CD11 or 12 to see what’s going on. We can try on our own or an IUI. He sees a lot of success with this protocol. It’s not that it may develop more eggs, it just may all happen in a different way. If this doesn’t work, then he most likely wants to do a laproscopy. He said he’ll get insurance to cover it – I’m almost thinking I may call back and talk to him about doing the lap first. I can understand where he’s coming from though – he’d like to see for himself how I respond, what’s going on before he does more tests and digs in deeper.
He’s willing to code things like Dr. S – painful periods/whatever – so that insurance will cover what it can. I don’t think he’ll do it to the extent of Dr. S, but hopefully enough that we can actually go to him.
He’s not sure that he sees a huge reason for me to stay on metformin. He’s checking fasting glucose/etc levels but then might take me off of it. I’m not sure how I feel about that and really, he said he’ll leave it up to me. I guess I feel like maybe I should meet with an endocrinologist?
On the 4G4G gene thing, he doesn’t think it’s relevant in TTC, other than I need to take a baby aspirin daily. He does think that I may have to take daily shots (heparin?) whenever I DO get pregnant, so it’s at least good to know. I may make an appt with a hematologist anyways since the lab results recommended it and I’d feel better.
So I think that we will give him a try. He was so nice and knowledgeable and I feel like he’s more with the new stuff than Dr. S is. After we left though I got more and more depressed. He DID give us hope, but I’m still so frustrated that no one can give us what we want. Answers. I want to know what’s wrong, I want to know how to fix it, etc. It’s not his fault, I just don’t think anyone can tell us. So anyways, that’s my update!
Anyways, I know some people were wanting to know how my 2nd opinion appt with Dr. M went today, so here is a copy of an email I sent to some.
Also the 4G4G thing I mention is a blood clotting genetic thing that we got back in some lab results last week.
The appointment went really well - we really really like Dr. Moghadam. He really took the time to meet with us (1 ½ hours), got to know us, went through our chart, showed us nifty diagrams on his laptop, made sure we really understood things, etc. It put him in a tiny rough position, just because until we met he hadn’t seen the history. When we sat down he said that we had the thickest “new patient” chart that he’d seen. :) There were definite things that Dr. S did that he didn’t really agree with, or thought was pointless. He doesn’t particularly care for the use of Repronex – says it’s “old school.” He also isn’t a fan of the European drugs. Now a lot of that was because Dr. S was trying to save us money, which we appreciate.
I really appreciated that he acknowledged (more than once) that we’ve been through a lot – we’re “pros” at it – we’ve “been through the ringer.” He knows that we’re not newbies at this and that starting at the beginning is not an option. Also, because of all that we’ve done, he knows that we’re not ready for more IVF. He thinks that waiting on the FET is a good idea too.
I think that he was honest with us. He said that while he would change the protocol and use different drugs, as far as egg count goes, he probably wouldn’t get a different response. I am what I am. He agreed that I’m a mystery. He does think that my egg quality is good, which is nice. My FSH was good and while the lab we used is really good – they can only use what we give them to work with. He was very pleased that we had 4 make it to blast. He did an antral follicle count (tiny follicles at the beginning of the cycle) and I had 12 total. That’s low. It means that for whatever reason I just don’t have the quantity of other people. So where’s the breakdown? He’s not sure. He ordered some more b/w (things I’ve had done before – but in Aug of 2007.) We’re too late into this cycle to do anything so it’s another break one (which is what we wanted anyways.)
He would like to try a combo of Femera (pill, like Clomid, that I’ve been on before) and Follistim (an injectable.) The Femera would be taken on CD3-7, and the Follistim on 6-10. I’ll have a baseline u/s and then go in around CD11 or 12 to see what’s going on. We can try on our own or an IUI. He sees a lot of success with this protocol. It’s not that it may develop more eggs, it just may all happen in a different way. If this doesn’t work, then he most likely wants to do a laproscopy. He said he’ll get insurance to cover it – I’m almost thinking I may call back and talk to him about doing the lap first. I can understand where he’s coming from though – he’d like to see for himself how I respond, what’s going on before he does more tests and digs in deeper.
He’s willing to code things like Dr. S – painful periods/whatever – so that insurance will cover what it can. I don’t think he’ll do it to the extent of Dr. S, but hopefully enough that we can actually go to him.
He’s not sure that he sees a huge reason for me to stay on metformin. He’s checking fasting glucose/etc levels but then might take me off of it. I’m not sure how I feel about that and really, he said he’ll leave it up to me. I guess I feel like maybe I should meet with an endocrinologist?
On the 4G4G gene thing, he doesn’t think it’s relevant in TTC, other than I need to take a baby aspirin daily. He does think that I may have to take daily shots (heparin?) whenever I DO get pregnant, so it’s at least good to know. I may make an appt with a hematologist anyways since the lab results recommended it and I’d feel better.
So I think that we will give him a try. He was so nice and knowledgeable and I feel like he’s more with the new stuff than Dr. S is. After we left though I got more and more depressed. He DID give us hope, but I’m still so frustrated that no one can give us what we want. Answers. I want to know what’s wrong, I want to know how to fix it, etc. It’s not his fault, I just don’t think anyone can tell us. So anyways, that’s my update!
Monday, January 12, 2009
Support group
I joined the national infertility organization, RESOLVE, last year and have been on an email list since then about an Indy area support group. It meets once a month but I've always been too chicken to go.
I just recently got an email about the January meeting though and it somehow spoke to me. They were changing to 2 new leaders and it just seemed like the time to go. I'm so glad that I did! I don't know what I expected - actually wait, yes I do. Hello, my name is Laura and I'm infertile. (Luckily it didn't come to that!)
I don't want to get into it too much, but I really liked it and think it will be something that I continue to go to. If you want to get more info (they'd love to have the group grow!) there is information here.
I just recently got an email about the January meeting though and it somehow spoke to me. They were changing to 2 new leaders and it just seemed like the time to go. I'm so glad that I did! I don't know what I expected - actually wait, yes I do. Hello, my name is Laura and I'm infertile. (Luckily it didn't come to that!)
I don't want to get into it too much, but I really liked it and think it will be something that I continue to go to. If you want to get more info (they'd love to have the group grow!) there is information here.
Friday, January 9, 2009
2nd opinion
Well, we've made the decision to have a 2nd opinion appt somewhere. Originally we were going to start our FET cycle when AF arrived (yesterday) but I'm just not ready for that. I don't want to use them, when maybe there is something we can do first to help change the outcome of using them. I was so nervous about calling Kim (my nurse, who is a family friend and especially after the last 15 months w/ her, we're pretty close) and telling her, but she was so nice about it. She said that they actually encourage it, because their main goal is for me to get pregnant. If it happens somewhere else, great! She said another office may have other ideas because of other patients they've seen.
I still don't know that we'll actually switch to another doctor, but we'll at least meet with one and see what they can come up with for a "plan." Kim is copying all of my records so that I can send them to the new office.
Sooo, where should I go?!? I need someone who will really look at my chart, and take the time to try to come up with something that maybe isn't the "norm", who is maybe familiar with newer protocols/studies, etc.
I just can't shake the feeling that there is something there that we're all missing.
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