Taking a break ...

I had an ultrasound this morning and it started out with good news – the fluid that was in my uterus 2 ½ weeks ago is gone. Then for the bad news – the cyst is still there. It’s actually in my left ovary, not my right like I’ve thought all along. Instead of shrinking or going away, it actually got a little bit bigger. It’s 2 ½ cm x 3 cm x 3 cm, which isn’t huge (about an inch and a quarter), but it’s basically taking up my entire left ovary.

That means definitely no Clomid this cycle, because that would just feed the cyst. They’re also putting me on birth control. (I did get a free box of Yaz though, so at least that’s something.) I just never thought that I’d be put back on birth control to help me get pregnant. I was ok in the office, but then broke down a bit in the car. I just hate that we’re not trying this month, not to mention I’d had these visions of a BFP on Christmas morning. On the flip side, at least I won’t have to stress about anything over the holidays, and I can take a month off from charting. It will be nice to not have to take my temp every morning.

I’ll go back when my next cycle starts for another ultrasound to see if the cyst is gone. If it is then we’ll do another round of Clomid, a post coital test as an initial look at the sperm, a mid cycle ultrasound with a possible trigger shot, and timed intercourse. If the cyst is still there then I’ll be on birth control in January as well.

I just never thought that I wouldn’t get pregnant in 2007. I know that so many women have it much worse, but right now I’m going to feel a little sorry for myself. I also don’t want anyone who is pregnant or soon to be pregnant to not feel like they can talk to me. I really am ok, just going to have a pity party for the rest of the afternoon.

Thanks for listening. :)

Here's a shocker:

I'm not pregnant. AF arrived today, and I'm now eating my comfort food:

Is it any wonder that I've gained weight??

Anyways, I'm feeling fine about it - much better than prior months. That's probably because I knew that our chances were slimer than before this month. That, and my temps dropped 2 days ago so I knew it was coming. Speaking of that, if anyone wants to see what a chart looks like, here is a link to mine:

Laura's Chart

Ignore the first part - that's where several months or overlayed. Below that you'll find the cycle that I started today, and below that, last cycle. On last cycle's, you can clearly see that I did ovulate. When you do, your temps go up and stay up until the end of the cycle. It's a little hard to tell exactly which day I did - either the day before the first temp shift or the day before the second (which is what the software thinks.) It really doesn't matter - timing was good either way.

I called Kim and am waiting to see when I go back downtown. It will be sometime tomorrow or Thursday for an ultrasound to see if the Cyst is there and if this needs to be a "break" cycle or if I go back on the Clomid. So we'll see!

Just spoke with Kim ...

I just talked to Kim again and due to the lining and fluid they are concerned that I am a small % that doesn’t respond well to the Clomid. If that’s the case then I have to move to injectable hormones, which freaks me out. A lot. She was quick to say that we’re going to take it a step at a time, and not make that jump quite yet. She just wanted to let me know that they think this may be a possibility. She said that the cyst should go away on its own, so long as we’re not feeding it hormones. If it’s still there at the beginning of next cycle then I’ll have a break cycle from Clomid and start up again in January I guess. On the uterine lining thing, mine was at 4 – they want to see between 8 and 12. One of the side effects of Clomid is that it can thin the lining, which is what they’re afraid is happening. On the other hand, I am responding well to other aspects – my progesterone was fantastic last month, and I’ve certainly had the side effects. (Hot flashes are still driving me crazy.)

She did say though that it doesn’t necessarily mean that this cycle is a complete bust. Due to my cervical fluid I think that I might be gearing up to ovulate soon. She said it’s fine for us to keep trying, and it’s still possible, but I think the odds are against us (more than other months.) So feel free to cross all appendages that we get lucky this month.

Today's deep thought ....

Hot flashes suck. That's all.

CD13 Ultrasound

I went in today (CD13) for the ultrasound. It was the first time that I actually met the RE (reproductive endocrinologist) and I didn't particularly care for her, but that's neither here nor there right now. The ultrasound itself wasn't so bad - a little weird feeling because she really moved that thing around in me to see the left ovary better, but it didn't hurt or anything.

Anyways first she told me that my uterine lining was thin and that there was fluid in the uterus. I asked if that was bad and her response was "well, it's not good." Gee, thanks.

Then she looked at my left ovary and found a very tiny follicle - at this point in my cycle the follicles should be much bigger, especially because I was on Clomid. Then she looked at my right ovary and apparently there was a very large one that she says is a cyst. She said that it's probably left over from last cycle and something about that's why the uterline lining in thin and there is fluid.

She just didn't explain things well at all and I'm pretty confused. They obviously didn't give me the HCG shot and she also said not to come in for 7dpo bloodwork, but to call when my period starts and I'll come in before CD3 to do another ultrasound to see if the cyst is gone. If it is, then I'll do the Clomid again and come back in for another ultrasound midcycle and at that time do the post coital test as well. If it's not gone then I'm not sure what happens.

Kim wasn't there but called this afternoon to see how it went - I got a lot of "hmm" responses as I told her. She's going to call me on Monday after she has a chance to look at my chart. Since she wasn't there it was hard for her to talk to me as she could only go off of what I told her Dr. Shepard said.

So pretty much it's sounding like this cycle is a bust. :(

11/9/07

Not too much to update at the moment.

I handled the Clomid better this cycle than last. Fewer hot flashes, and the moodiness mostly seemed to happen while I was taking it, but died down afterwards. There were some rough days while I was taking it though – let’s see …. I cried because I didn’t like my dining room table, I cried because there are too many things in our storage room, I cried at a song on the radio (that wasn’t even a sad song!) Basically it’s like out of control PMS.

Tomorrow I go in for the ultrasound to check out the follicles – how many there are and the sizes of them. Should be interesting to see them on the screen. We may also do the post coital test that they wanted to do a few months ago. It will tell us if my cervical fluid has enough fertile quality (should look like a fern under the microscope) and if it's a welcoming environment to the little sperm. I guess we should also see them swimming around under the microscope - or if I'm not "welcoming" enough, we'll seem them all dead. It feels sort of like a science experiment. :)

I was having a bit of a bad day yesterday (mostly because of the time of year that is coming up) and as I was leaving, Laura (coworker Nick’s wife) and their daughter Natalie showed up. They left this for me on my computer to see when I got to work this morning. She's such a cutie!


And just so I don’t leave anyone out, Angie (boss Darin’s wife) also brought their daughter Lucy by yesterday. Her hat is so stinkin’ cute!