Monday, March 31, 2008
I give up
I was so excited this morning because I seemed to be responding better to the meds. WRONG. They just called with my E2 numbers and were lower than expected, so my next appt got moved from tomorrow to Wednesday. Last cycle on CD8 (with smaller follicles mind you) my E2 was 112. Today = 77. Ugh. I still don't totally understand what E2 means and what it does, but in my mind, with larger follicles than last cycle, it should be higher, not lower. Sigh. I'm writing up a list of questions to try to understand it more, to ask when I go back on Wednesday.
CD8 u/s
Just had my u/s. Like last month – 4 in the right and 3 in the left. They are bigger than they were on CD8 of last month though, so the increased meds are working.
15.2
11.9
9.4
5.7
In my left I have
12.2
9.7
8.5
So my three highest are 15.2, 12.2, and 11.9. Last month at this point they were 11.7, 10.5, and 9.9.
Since I already have a 15, I’m probably going back in tomorrow for another u/s. We’re waiting to get my estradiol levels back this afternoon before making any big decisions. I’m a bit nervous, having three at 12 or over already, but I know that they’re watching me and are cautious so I’m going to trust them.
Oh, and my lining was just over 6, which is good for today.
15.2
11.9
9.4
5.7
In my left I have
12.2
9.7
8.5
So my three highest are 15.2, 12.2, and 11.9. Last month at this point they were 11.7, 10.5, and 9.9.
Since I already have a 15, I’m probably going back in tomorrow for another u/s. We’re waiting to get my estradiol levels back this afternoon before making any big decisions. I’m a bit nervous, having three at 12 or over already, but I know that they’re watching me and are cautious so I’m going to trust them.
Oh, and my lining was just over 6, which is good for today.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Funny IF related joke
There was an RE (reproductive endocrinologist) who decided he no longer wanted to practice. Instead he wanted to restore old cars.
To prepare himself for this career change, he signed up for a mechanics course in engine repair.
He studied really hard, and the day arrived for the final exam. The task was to find out what was wrong with the engine and repair it.
The RE took a little longer than the rest of the class, but he got the job done. A couple of days later he went to see how he did.
Up on the wall, beside his name he saw a mark of 150%. He was really puzzled so he went to the instructor. "How can this be?" he asked.
The instructor replied, "Well, I gave you 50 points for figuring out the problem, and 50 points more for solving the problem.
BUT I had to give you an extra 50 points for doing all the work through the exhaust pipe!"
Friday, March 28, 2008
Whew!
Meds from London just arrived! I had enough to get me through last night, but if they weren't here I was going to have to buy 3 vials/day until they got here at Dr. Aziz Pharmacy. I paid only $13.65/vial for the London ones - if I bought them in town it would have been $51/vial. (Which is what it will be next cycle if I'm not PG on these.) So after shipping I got 30 vials for just under $500. For each day that I'd have to buy them in town it would cost me an additional $150. So thank goodness they got here!!!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Strong?
It's hard for me to understand what people see when they think about Jason and I. Just in the last two weeks I've been told that I'm strong, that I've always been strong, that it's obvious that Jason & I will make great parents, that it's obvious we've grown closer together, that I've kept up a sense of humor during all of this etc. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE hearing things like that, it makes me feel good. It's just wierd to me, because I don't feel strong at all. I cry so much and get so discouraged. I struggle with if I'm allowed to be depressed about it all - it's not like anyone has told us that we CAN'T have kids, and other people have been trying longer, and maybe people think I'm just an impatient person and roll their eyes as if I'm being too dramatic. I have a hard time staying positive as we're coming up on the end of what we can afford to do. I also don't feel like I'm a funny person. I just think I get more and more sarcastic as this goes on. So I just have a hard time seeing it.
**On a side note - I may start to use this as more of a journal from time to time, not just to update you on how things are going. I realized that this blog will be pretty neat to print out one day and have to look back on and see how I felt during all of this. So I'm not necessarily fishing for sympathetic words, but just need to "talk."
**On a side note - I may start to use this as more of a journal from time to time, not just to update you on how things are going. I realized that this blog will be pretty neat to print out one day and have to look back on and see how I felt during all of this. So I'm not necessarily fishing for sympathetic words, but just need to "talk."
Touched
So my mom made me cry last night. I was talking to her about how I'm worried about the drugs getting here (I had enough to get through tomorrow) in time. She said that she'd add it to her prayers when she said her rosary last night. So for those that don't really know my mom, she's never been an overly religious person - and we've all sort of fallen away from the church since my dad died. Well, apparently starting at the beginning of Lent, my mom has said the rosary and prayed for Jason and I every night. She said that she's going to do that until we're actually holding our baby. Not just when we get pregnant, but every night until we're holding our baby. And of course I cried.
It also made me realize something that I'm almost embarassed to admit. Besides my mom, there are other people who have said that they're praying for me. We aren't really praying for ourselves though. Sure, I think to myself "oh please please let me be PG", but sitting down and praying is something that I struggle with.
It also made me realize something that I'm almost embarassed to admit. Besides my mom, there are other people who have said that they're praying for me. We aren't really praying for ourselves though. Sure, I think to myself "oh please please let me be PG", but sitting down and praying is something that I struggle with.
It's so hard
I love finding songs that explain how I feel. It's sort of like having a soundtrack to your life, and later when you hear that song you are brought back to that place and time. The two songs that I'm sure will always remind me of this IF crap are "I would die for that" (mentioned in prior posts) and "It's so hard" by the Dixie Chicks. I just recently stumbled upon that song and it's my new favorite.
You can hear it on youtube: It's So Hard
My favorite parts are the second verse and the chorus:
It felt like a given
Something a woman's born to do
A natural ambition
To see a reflection of me and you
It's so hard when it doesn't come easy
It's so hard when it doesn't come fast
It's so hard when it doesn't come easy
It's so hard
You can hear it on youtube: It's So Hard
My favorite parts are the second verse and the chorus:
It felt like a given
Something a woman's born to do
A natural ambition
To see a reflection of me and you
It's so hard when it doesn't come easy
It's so hard when it doesn't come fast
It's so hard when it doesn't come easy
It's so hard
Update from Wednesday's appt
A few enquiring minds have asked me about yesterday’s appt – sorry for not updating!
At the beginning of the appt I found out that the big problem last cycle was my estradiol levels. For each mature follicle (18mm+) they want to see estradiol of 250-300. I had one mature follie, plus one at 14, and then 5 smaller ones - and my E2 was only about 200. They didn't tell me then, basically because it wouldn't have made a difference - we still would have triggered and done the IUI. I asked if we should have waited to trigger, but then we'd run the risk of having a post mature egg while waiting for the E2 to catch up. It's all just so confusing - I don't know why my follicles aren't producing E2 like they should. I don't even know what produces it, or why it's important. I did read that it's the E2 that talks to the hypothalemus (sp?) that then causing the LH surge to happen. We already know that I had a problem with LH surge, so now I guess we're a step further that its the E2. It's just so frustrating - what is causing what?
During the u/s we were making sure that I had no leftover follies that were greater than 10mm. If I did, then we’d be trying this month on our own while my ovaries settled down. The largest one was around 9, so we were good to go. I have no idea how they can tell what is a cyst, what is a leftover follicle, and what is a newly developing one, but they seemed positive. Something about new ones have sharper clearer edges. We also did b/w to make sure that my estradiol levels weren’t too high (which we obviously weren’t concerned about since they never got high last cycle anyways.) Sure enough, around 20, so we were able to start injections last night.
They’ve increased my dose (3 vials instead of 2) to see if that makes a difference in my follicles. I go back on Monday for another u/s and b/w.
I did find out that if I’m not PG this cycle, they are changing drugs. Well, sort of. I was supposed to be taking Repronex, but due to cost they let me take Lepori, which is the generic European version. ($13.65 vial instead of $51.) They use it all the time, but in some people the Repronex just works better. So I’ll have to actually take the Repronex if this cycle is a bust.
At the beginning of the appt I found out that the big problem last cycle was my estradiol levels. For each mature follicle (18mm+) they want to see estradiol of 250-300. I had one mature follie, plus one at 14, and then 5 smaller ones - and my E2 was only about 200. They didn't tell me then, basically because it wouldn't have made a difference - we still would have triggered and done the IUI. I asked if we should have waited to trigger, but then we'd run the risk of having a post mature egg while waiting for the E2 to catch up. It's all just so confusing - I don't know why my follicles aren't producing E2 like they should. I don't even know what produces it, or why it's important. I did read that it's the E2 that talks to the hypothalemus (sp?) that then causing the LH surge to happen. We already know that I had a problem with LH surge, so now I guess we're a step further that its the E2. It's just so frustrating - what is causing what?
During the u/s we were making sure that I had no leftover follies that were greater than 10mm. If I did, then we’d be trying this month on our own while my ovaries settled down. The largest one was around 9, so we were good to go. I have no idea how they can tell what is a cyst, what is a leftover follicle, and what is a newly developing one, but they seemed positive. Something about new ones have sharper clearer edges. We also did b/w to make sure that my estradiol levels weren’t too high (which we obviously weren’t concerned about since they never got high last cycle anyways.) Sure enough, around 20, so we were able to start injections last night.
They’ve increased my dose (3 vials instead of 2) to see if that makes a difference in my follicles. I go back on Monday for another u/s and b/w.
I did find out that if I’m not PG this cycle, they are changing drugs. Well, sort of. I was supposed to be taking Repronex, but due to cost they let me take Lepori, which is the generic European version. ($13.65 vial instead of $51.) They use it all the time, but in some people the Repronex just works better. So I’ll have to actually take the Repronex if this cycle is a bust.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
A much needed vacation
I mentioned in a post yesterday that we'll be going on vacation at the end of April. It's official now - both of our companys approved our time off. Some family friends own a condo in Orange Beach, AL (between Gulf Shores, AL and Pensacola, FL) and they are letting us stay for free! We're going in between 2 booked weekends, which is why they aren't charging us. The condo is on the 10th floor, in a building that is on the beach. This is what the views look like from the balcony:
We'll be leaving on a Sunday and driving straight there (12 hours) and staying until Thursday morning. Then we're planning on driving to New Orleans (3 hours) and spending the night there. The same family friend who owns the condo also has an apartment there that he lives in during the week, that we get to stay at for free. He said that there is a shuttle every 15 minutes that will take us from his place on St. Charles Ave to the French Quarter (about 2 miles away.) Then we'll leave Friday sometime and drive straight back (another 12 hours.)
It's a lot of driving, but I think will be so worth it. We'll get to spend 3 full days at the pool and beach, and spend another day/evening trying out things like oysters, poorboy sandwiches, and muffeletta sandwiches.
I CAN'T WAIT!!!!
We'll be leaving on a Sunday and driving straight there (12 hours) and staying until Thursday morning. Then we're planning on driving to New Orleans (3 hours) and spending the night there. The same family friend who owns the condo also has an apartment there that he lives in during the week, that we get to stay at for free. He said that there is a shuttle every 15 minutes that will take us from his place on St. Charles Ave to the French Quarter (about 2 miles away.) Then we'll leave Friday sometime and drive straight back (another 12 hours.)
It's a lot of driving, but I think will be so worth it. We'll get to spend 3 full days at the pool and beach, and spend another day/evening trying out things like oysters, poorboy sandwiches, and muffeletta sandwiches.
I CAN'T WAIT!!!!
Monday, March 24, 2008
A guilty pleasure
Cheap.ass.wine.
I had Jason run out and pick it up from Walmart for me. We are a klassy bunch, no? It just goes down like koolaid, and frankly, that's what I need at the moment.
I did get my drugs ordered today - from London - and got to talk to a guy with the cutest British accent! Now we just pray that Wednesday's u/s comes back ok and that the drugs get here in time. I have enough to get me until Friday, and they should be here Friday or Saturday. Truthfully though, if something caused this cycle to be on hold, I think I'd handle it ok. I told Jason that I almost feel guilty for it, but a break wouldn't be such a bad thing. In fact, we have a vacation planned in just over a month, so if we go ahead with this cycle then we'll be taking a break that next one. If we have to break now, I'll be on bc and will add a week so that I won't start the next cycle until after we get back. So either way, we're looking at taking a month off sometime soon if we're not PG.
Also, I did find out that they're planning on starting me at 3 vials a day instead of 2. They weren't happy with my response to the Repronex. She said that someone my age should have responded better - in fact, they were originally hoping they'd have to cut it back. I still had one good follie and another potential one, but I think they'd like to see it start out with more and then have 2 good follicles. It's such a fine line to walk though because we don't want too many either. At least I think they're talking about the follies - she also mentioned that my estradiol levels weren't quite what they wanted. Those go hand in hand though, so it's something like that.
I had Jason run out and pick it up from Walmart for me. We are a klassy bunch, no? It just goes down like koolaid, and frankly, that's what I need at the moment.
I did get my drugs ordered today - from London - and got to talk to a guy with the cutest British accent! Now we just pray that Wednesday's u/s comes back ok and that the drugs get here in time. I have enough to get me until Friday, and they should be here Friday or Saturday. Truthfully though, if something caused this cycle to be on hold, I think I'd handle it ok. I told Jason that I almost feel guilty for it, but a break wouldn't be such a bad thing. In fact, we have a vacation planned in just over a month, so if we go ahead with this cycle then we'll be taking a break that next one. If we have to break now, I'll be on bc and will add a week so that I won't start the next cycle until after we get back. So either way, we're looking at taking a month off sometime soon if we're not PG.
Also, I did find out that they're planning on starting me at 3 vials a day instead of 2. They weren't happy with my response to the Repronex. She said that someone my age should have responded better - in fact, they were originally hoping they'd have to cut it back. I still had one good follie and another potential one, but I think they'd like to see it start out with more and then have 2 good follicles. It's such a fine line to walk though because we don't want too many either. At least I think they're talking about the follies - she also mentioned that my estradiol levels weren't quite what they wanted. Those go hand in hand though, so it's something like that.
It's over
I’m officially calling this CD1. And good lord, the cramps are intense. I suppose that makes sense seeing as I actually have a lining to shed this time. My periods the past few months have been ridiculously short and light. I’m getting the feeling that those days are over … (which really, is a positive thing!)
So LP ended up at roughly 11 days which is short for me.
Easter weekend update
No real news to report - just that I’m confused in a major way. I started temping after the IUI, because I like the temp drop warning before AF. My post O temps have been so low compared to what they usually are. I’m guessing it has something to do with the injectables, but who knows. Anyways, Friday morning it went down and hit 97.7 which is usually the kiss of death. I got really upset and did my “grieving” then. I’ve also felt a bit crampy since then. Instead of continuing to drop though, it stuck around the same temps all weekend. I felt like absolute crap yesterday – really nauseas and achy all over. My temp in the afternoon (regular thermometer) was 99.7 so I figured I had some sort of stomach flu. Then when I went to the bathroom right before I went to bed, I wiped and it was brownish. So I knew AF was starting, put a tampon in, and got upset all over again. The confusing part is that this morning my temp went UP (granted, still not in the 98s, but it went up), and when I took the tampon out there wasn’t much on there at all. Oh, and I still feel really sick (actually I'm at home typing this - sick day), but checked with the regular thermometer this morning and no fever.
So now I don’t know. I’m just so emotionally exhausted and feel like someone is playing a mean trick on me. Between Friday am and last night with the spotting, I accepted that I’m not PG. I got really upset and then was ready to move onto next cycle. And now since things aren’t following the usual pattern I’m thinking “maybe, just maybe” again. Although you know as soon as I type that, I’m going to go to the bathroom and notice that I’ve full flowed started. Doesn’t it always work like that?
So in conclusion, I'm 87.3% sure that AF is almost here. Technically I've got another 2-3 days before I'd usually expect it though. Will keep you updated ...Friday, March 14, 2008
Hey, I'll try anything!
And for my third post of the morning ....
According to many acupuncturists, pineapple can help with fertility. I haven't found any real scientific evidence of this, but I like pineapple, and at this point will try anything. I was joking at the IUI that if I get pregnant this cycle I'm going to say it was because of the pineapple. Nevermind all of the injections and appointments - it will be because of the pineapple. :)
"Pineapple may help assist embryo implantation because it contains bromelain. This proteolytic enzyme breaks down proteins that can inhibit embryo implantation. For this reason I often recommend you consume a whole, organic pineapple after ovulation or embryo transfer. Don't avoid eating the core as it has the highest concentration of Bromelain.
IUI cycle: Slice up a whole, fresh, organic pineapple into five equal portions. Consume one portion daily for five days, beginning on the day of your IUI.
Note: Be careful not to start consuming pineapple too early in the cycle. Beginning to consume pineapple BEFORE the recommended days above can actually affect your vaginal and cervical mucus pH, making it more acidic. Increased acidity can actually DECREASE your chances of conceiving."
According to many acupuncturists, pineapple can help with fertility. I haven't found any real scientific evidence of this, but I like pineapple, and at this point will try anything. I was joking at the IUI that if I get pregnant this cycle I'm going to say it was because of the pineapple. Nevermind all of the injections and appointments - it will be because of the pineapple. :)
"Pineapple may help assist embryo implantation because it contains bromelain. This proteolytic enzyme breaks down proteins that can inhibit embryo implantation. For this reason I often recommend you consume a whole, organic pineapple after ovulation or embryo transfer. Don't avoid eating the core as it has the highest concentration of Bromelain.
IUI cycle: Slice up a whole, fresh, organic pineapple into five equal portions. Consume one portion daily for five days, beginning on the day of your IUI.
Note: Be careful not to start consuming pineapple too early in the cycle. Beginning to consume pineapple BEFORE the recommended days above can actually affect your vaginal and cervical mucus pH, making it more acidic. Increased acidity can actually DECREASE your chances of conceiving."
Thank you Laura!
Laura Rowlett gave me this bracelet yesterday and it couldn't have come at a better time. I was having a really bad morning, second guessing everything, doubting everything, crying about everything (obviously pre meditation!).... and then got this from Laura! It was so sweet and really cheered me up. Thank you!
Using my Zen power
I found a meditation cd yesterday that is specifically for infertility. There are actually a few, but the one I got was for medicated cycles. http://www.anjionline.com/SupportforyourMedicatedCycle.php
From their website:
Track 1: The first track is designed to support you during the stimulation phase of your cycle, before ovulation. During the first half of your cycle these techniques help you: control the emotional ups and downs that come from the extra hormones, cope with daily shots, give you a break from the monitoring of your cycle. The imagery on this track focuses on the medication begin at just the right levels, healthy egg(s) developing, and lining development.
Track 2: The second track is designed to support you during the second phase of your cycle – after fertilization. Once you have passed ovulation, there’s not much to do but WAIT. And the WAIT some more as time slowly ticks away towards the day you can finally test. Using relaxation and guided imagery help to keep you feeling balanced and in control as you wait to see if your hard work has paid off as well as giving you a specific activity to do as you wait. Imagery for this track focuses on healthy development and implantation.
Track 3: The final track of this recording can be used at anytime during your cycle. General relaxation is followed by affirmations that support your fertility.
I was fairly skeptical at first and didn’t think I’d enjoy it. I’m the person who about had a panic attack the first time doing yoga because they made you lay there for 10-15 min afterwards, listening to Yanni music while relaxing. I just kept thinking about other things I needed to be doing, and would the time ever end, and then freaking out because I couldn’t focus and relax for even those 10 minutes. (Keep in mind that was while I was in the middle of wedding planning!)
So anyways, I did track 2 last night. I struggled at the beginning because my mind starts to wander, but I think it actually did relax me. It started with thinking about the muscles in your toes and relaxing those and working your way up your body, while doing some deep breathing. Then it had some visualization things – about the egg and sperm meeting, the thick lining, implanting, etc. That part was a little corny, but kind of neat too. The biggest thing I took from it was that I should feel calm and confident about it. My body is doing everything it can to make it happen, and I’m doing everything I can to support that. At this point there is nothing else I can do but trust that my body will do what it can. That really stuck with me and I feel much better today than I did yesterday.
From their website:
Track 1: The first track is designed to support you during the stimulation phase of your cycle, before ovulation. During the first half of your cycle these techniques help you: control the emotional ups and downs that come from the extra hormones, cope with daily shots, give you a break from the monitoring of your cycle. The imagery on this track focuses on the medication begin at just the right levels, healthy egg(s) developing, and lining development.
Track 2: The second track is designed to support you during the second phase of your cycle – after fertilization. Once you have passed ovulation, there’s not much to do but WAIT. And the WAIT some more as time slowly ticks away towards the day you can finally test. Using relaxation and guided imagery help to keep you feeling balanced and in control as you wait to see if your hard work has paid off as well as giving you a specific activity to do as you wait. Imagery for this track focuses on healthy development and implantation.
Track 3: The final track of this recording can be used at anytime during your cycle. General relaxation is followed by affirmations that support your fertility.
I was fairly skeptical at first and didn’t think I’d enjoy it. I’m the person who about had a panic attack the first time doing yoga because they made you lay there for 10-15 min afterwards, listening to Yanni music while relaxing. I just kept thinking about other things I needed to be doing, and would the time ever end, and then freaking out because I couldn’t focus and relax for even those 10 minutes. (Keep in mind that was while I was in the middle of wedding planning!)
So anyways, I did track 2 last night. I struggled at the beginning because my mind starts to wander, but I think it actually did relax me. It started with thinking about the muscles in your toes and relaxing those and working your way up your body, while doing some deep breathing. Then it had some visualization things – about the egg and sperm meeting, the thick lining, implanting, etc. That part was a little corny, but kind of neat too. The biggest thing I took from it was that I should feel calm and confident about it. My body is doing everything it can to make it happen, and I’m doing everything I can to support that. At this point there is nothing else I can do but trust that my body will do what it can. That really stuck with me and I feel much better today than I did yesterday.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Let the 2ww commence!
IUI #2 - done! They said that Jason's count was double of what it was last time, which is fantastic. Also, they reassured me that the timing was good. Everything I've read said to do the IUI 36 hours after the trigger, but I was so worried that it was too late. Even if I started to ovulate already though, the timing is great. And she said that I had really good mucus, and typically that starts to deteriorate and dry up right after you ovulate. So based on all of that, I feel good about the timing again.
It was kind of funny with Jason actually with me for the IUI this time. After they put the cathetar (more on this in a second) in, they let him actually push the little guys in. I looked at him and asked if it was as good for him as it was for me.
On the whole cathetar thing - that sucked. They had to shove down on my belly to get the uterus at the right angle for the cathetar. I'm still crampy from that (an hour later.)
At least it's done, and now we just wait for 2 weeks!
It was kind of funny with Jason actually with me for the IUI this time. After they put the cathetar (more on this in a second) in, they let him actually push the little guys in. I looked at him and asked if it was as good for him as it was for me.
On the whole cathetar thing - that sucked. They had to shove down on my belly to get the uterus at the right angle for the cathetar. I'm still crampy from that (an hour later.)
At least it's done, and now we just wait for 2 weeks!
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
I am so over this.
(I'm not looking for sympathy, I just need to gripe.) So I've tried to avoid complaining too much about everything, but let me just say, this sucks and I feel like crap. For the last week my ovaries have felt like they were going to explode. Very bloated and crampy, which apparently is normal. I know compared to other women, 7 total follies isn't that big of a deal (especially when only 2-3 of them will end up mature!), but compared to the 2 total that I'm used to, it sucks. It stretches your ovaries and makes them sit lower. I have been so "aware" of my lower belly and yesterday was just awful. It was probably a combination of the growing follicles and the dildo wand/vag cam that was stuck up in me moving around for awhile yesterday while they measured each. A bit of a reprieve is that we're not allowed to have sex these few days (b/c of the IUI) - she told me that I'd probably be tender because the ovaries are sitting lower and that just doesn't sound pleasant.
Then there are the headaches and the fact that I think my boobs have grown to twice their usual size and are tender. I don't even know if that was supposed to happen, but I feel like it did.
Next we move to the highlight of my day, the shot. Jason did a really good job, but seriously, would anyone enjoy a needle stuck in their ass every night? The sticking in part (except for 2 memorable nights) wasn't so bad, it was the injection itself - it stings! Last night was the big grand finale. It was a different med, but twice the amount of liquid to inject. I still feel bruised.
And this morning my body decided it would be a good idea to add nausea to the mix. Who knows if it's from the Repronox, the HCG trigger shot, or nerves about tomorrow's IUI - probably a combo. Regardless, it sucks. Oh, and I'm tired.
At least until today my emotional state has seemed to be ok. Although I feel like all of the Clomid crazies that I've avoided this month by switching to injectables have hit full force today. Wierd.
So a note to my body: Please start cooperating. Making me feel like shit, without any sort of reward, isn't funny. If you could just let me get pregnant this month, I would forgive you.
Then there are the headaches and the fact that I think my boobs have grown to twice their usual size and are tender. I don't even know if that was supposed to happen, but I feel like it did.
Next we move to the highlight of my day, the shot. Jason did a really good job, but seriously, would anyone enjoy a needle stuck in their ass every night? The sticking in part (except for 2 memorable nights) wasn't so bad, it was the injection itself - it stings! Last night was the big grand finale. It was a different med, but twice the amount of liquid to inject. I still feel bruised.
And this morning my body decided it would be a good idea to add nausea to the mix. Who knows if it's from the Repronox, the HCG trigger shot, or nerves about tomorrow's IUI - probably a combo. Regardless, it sucks. Oh, and I'm tired.
At least until today my emotional state has seemed to be ok. Although I feel like all of the Clomid crazies that I've avoided this month by switching to injectables have hit full force today. Wierd.
So a note to my body: Please start cooperating. Making me feel like shit, without any sort of reward, isn't funny. If you could just let me get pregnant this month, I would forgive you.
Monday, March 10, 2008
We're a go!
IUI is scheduled for 10am Wednesday morning!
I had an u/s this morning and in my right ovary I have one that is 18mm (that they said was “beautiful”) and then three others that are under 10.5 so we don’t have to worry about them at all. In the left I have a 14.2 that is still probably in play, a 12.8 that we shouldn’t have to worry about, and then one other small one that they didn’t even measure. I hope that the 14.2 grows a little bit between now and Wednesday (and it should) just because I’d really like to have 2 shots at it, and I’m ok with twins. The 12.8 can stay right where it is. :)
Oh, and my lining was 7.9! My office wants over 7 when you trigger (and I’ve read online that 8 is pretty standard) so I’m good to go there. Yay!!!!
Tonight at exactly 10:30 (so any positive thoughts at that time would be nice) Jason will give me the trigger shot. It's 2 cc's instead of 1 cc o the liquid, which I'm not looking forward to, BUT this will be my last shot! (Last shot ever would be nice, but even if it's a 2 week break, I'll take it.)
I'm so excited about all of this!
I had an u/s this morning and in my right ovary I have one that is 18mm (that they said was “beautiful”) and then three others that are under 10.5 so we don’t have to worry about them at all. In the left I have a 14.2 that is still probably in play, a 12.8 that we shouldn’t have to worry about, and then one other small one that they didn’t even measure. I hope that the 14.2 grows a little bit between now and Wednesday (and it should) just because I’d really like to have 2 shots at it, and I’m ok with twins. The 12.8 can stay right where it is. :)
Oh, and my lining was 7.9! My office wants over 7 when you trigger (and I’ve read online that 8 is pretty standard) so I’m good to go there. Yay!!!!
Tonight at exactly 10:30 (so any positive thoughts at that time would be nice) Jason will give me the trigger shot. It's 2 cc's instead of 1 cc o the liquid, which I'm not looking forward to, BUT this will be my last shot! (Last shot ever would be nice, but even if it's a 2 week break, I'll take it.)
I'm so excited about all of this!
Friday, March 7, 2008
Estradiol level
Kim just called with my Estradiol (basically the estrogen produced by the developing follicles) level (E2) - it is 112 and she was very happy with that. When they are mature sized follicles, they like to see between 250 and 300 per follicle. She said that if I'd been in the 500-600 range today they'd be worried that too many of those follicles were maturing.
So I'm feeling really good about today's results! We'll see what everything looks like on Monday morning - fingers crossed!
So I'm feeling really good about today's results! We'll see what everything looks like on Monday morning - fingers crossed!
Date with the vag cam
I'm just getting around, aren't I? First a date with the needle, today the vag cam, and sometime next week with the catheter. (Ok, I know I'm not really all that funny, but I try!)
So it started off with a fun time in the waiting room. It's sort of in two parts, and I was sitting on the side where they call the infertility patients from. It's still all one room though so it's not like you don't see or hear what's going on in the other side. A guy came out into the room, all excited, calling his parents - to tell them that they found it they are having a girl. He called about 3 different people, telling them to buy pink, etc. It was so sweet, but made me cry. So then I cried (just little tears here and there) most of the way through the appt. I'm so glad that I have Kim and Irena (the other nurse who I am really starting to like.)
Anyways, first the lining. Last cycle, at CD12 I was at 4.2. This cycle, on CD8 - it was 6! We want it to be 8+ on the day I ovulate, so everything is looking great there!
Now for the ovaries/follicles. For it to be a mature, ready to ovulate follicle, they want it to be 18mm when I trigger. In my right ovary, I have 4 follicles:
11.7 (this is the dominate one)
7.8
7.2
8.0
In my left, I have 3:
10.5
9.9
8.2
I have to admit, having 7 follicles freaks me out. It seems though that they are just concerned about the largest 3 though, as those are all closest in size. (Although 3 still freaks me out!) I know from reading on my message boards that most of the time just a couple will take off and the others will sort of stop growing. I guess if the office is happy, then I'm happy!
They're calling me later today after they get my estradiol levels from the b/w, because that will help tell the rest of the story. As it stands though, I'm keeping the same dosage and have another scan on Monday morning. They think I'll probably trigger that night, and have the IUI on Wednesday.
So we'll see how this actually all plays out!
So it started off with a fun time in the waiting room. It's sort of in two parts, and I was sitting on the side where they call the infertility patients from. It's still all one room though so it's not like you don't see or hear what's going on in the other side. A guy came out into the room, all excited, calling his parents - to tell them that they found it they are having a girl. He called about 3 different people, telling them to buy pink, etc. It was so sweet, but made me cry. So then I cried (just little tears here and there) most of the way through the appt. I'm so glad that I have Kim and Irena (the other nurse who I am really starting to like.)
Anyways, first the lining. Last cycle, at CD12 I was at 4.2. This cycle, on CD8 - it was 6! We want it to be 8+ on the day I ovulate, so everything is looking great there!
Now for the ovaries/follicles. For it to be a mature, ready to ovulate follicle, they want it to be 18mm when I trigger. In my right ovary, I have 4 follicles:
11.7 (this is the dominate one)
7.8
7.2
8.0
In my left, I have 3:
10.5
9.9
8.2
I have to admit, having 7 follicles freaks me out. It seems though that they are just concerned about the largest 3 though, as those are all closest in size. (Although 3 still freaks me out!) I know from reading on my message boards that most of the time just a couple will take off and the others will sort of stop growing. I guess if the office is happy, then I'm happy!
They're calling me later today after they get my estradiol levels from the b/w, because that will help tell the rest of the story. As it stands though, I'm keeping the same dosage and have another scan on Monday morning. They think I'll probably trigger that night, and have the IUI on Wednesday.
So we'll see how this actually all plays out!
Monday, March 3, 2008
Hot flash:1, Laura:0
I was sitting there watching tv and minding my own business, when I had the sudden urge to rip my shirt off. I was under the impression that even though on Clomid I had the hot flashes from hell, they would be non existent on the Repronex. Apparently I was mistaken. Jason said that Kim said that some patients said they were better, and somehow from that I heard that I wouldn't have them. Selective hearing at its best.
I promise I won't do an update every night, but just thought I'd let you know that tonight's injection went much better. It really is just the tiniest prick and it didn't burn tonight at all. I don't know what I was so freaked out about!
I promise I won't do an update every night, but just thought I'd let you know that tonight's injection went much better. It really is just the tiniest prick and it didn't burn tonight at all. I don't know what I was so freaked out about!
Sunday, March 2, 2008
My first date with the needle
I survived. :) We did it a little earlier than planned, mostly because I was getting pretty worked up about it and just wanted to get it over with. It really wasn't too bad though. It was just a tiny prick when he poked it in, but it stung quite a bit when he actually injected the medicine. I cried. :) Jason did a great job though and now that the first one is out of the way I feel much better.
Jason mixing the meds. I love how intent he looked while doing it.
All ready for target practice!
Jason mixing the meds. I love how intent he looked while doing it.
All ready for target practice!
Saturday, March 1, 2008
All clear!
I had my baseline u/s and b/w this morning, and all was clear! Each ovary had the start of a few follicles so that was good. The b/w was to get my baseline value for estradiol (the primary hormone made by the developing follicle.) They'll use those levels and the ultrasound to determine the follicle's maturity at each appt. At this point it doesn't matter how many follicles are developing, but we're shooting for 2 to be mature at the same time. That doesn't have to mean twins, it just gives us a better shot.
And in case anyone is interested, here is everything they gave us.
This is what the meds look like in their little vials. We will use 2 blue ones and 1 red one in every injection. We'll use needle #1 (see below) to pull the liquid out of the red bottle, and inject it down into the first blue one. Then pull all of that one out, and inject into the second blue one. Then switch needles and we're ready to go!
This is needle #1 - the one we'll be using when we do the mixing. Thank goodness this is not going in me!
This is needle #2, the one we'll use for the injection. It's still long, but much thinner. Jason will have to insert the entire needle part, not just the tip like I was hoping.
And here is the fun diagram of where it goes. We'll switch butt cheeks daily - oh boy.
I think Jason is looking forward to it entirely way too much. They told him to hold it like a dart and now he wants to draw a bulls eye on my ass and try from across the room.
And in case anyone is interested, here is everything they gave us.
This is what the meds look like in their little vials. We will use 2 blue ones and 1 red one in every injection. We'll use needle #1 (see below) to pull the liquid out of the red bottle, and inject it down into the first blue one. Then pull all of that one out, and inject into the second blue one. Then switch needles and we're ready to go!
This is needle #1 - the one we'll be using when we do the mixing. Thank goodness this is not going in me!
This is needle #2, the one we'll use for the injection. It's still long, but much thinner. Jason will have to insert the entire needle part, not just the tip like I was hoping.
And here is the fun diagram of where it goes. We'll switch butt cheeks daily - oh boy.
I think Jason is looking forward to it entirely way too much. They told him to hold it like a dart and now he wants to draw a bulls eye on my ass and try from across the room.
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