Thursday, March 27, 2008

Strong?

It's hard for me to understand what people see when they think about Jason and I. Just in the last two weeks I've been told that I'm strong, that I've always been strong, that it's obvious that Jason & I will make great parents, that it's obvious we've grown closer together, that I've kept up a sense of humor during all of this etc. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE hearing things like that, it makes me feel good. It's just wierd to me, because I don't feel strong at all. I cry so much and get so discouraged. I struggle with if I'm allowed to be depressed about it all - it's not like anyone has told us that we CAN'T have kids, and other people have been trying longer, and maybe people think I'm just an impatient person and roll their eyes as if I'm being too dramatic. I have a hard time staying positive as we're coming up on the end of what we can afford to do. I also don't feel like I'm a funny person. I just think I get more and more sarcastic as this goes on. So I just have a hard time seeing it.

**On a side note - I may start to use this as more of a journal from time to time, not just to update you on how things are going. I realized that this blog will be pretty neat to print out one day and have to look back on and see how I felt during all of this. So I'm not necessarily fishing for sympathetic words, but just need to "talk."

3 comments:

Chrissi said...

I know I've told you about Emily's nephew Gabe who had (yay!) Leukemia (he is officially in remission as of this week). Her sister, Randy said that so many people would come up to her and tell how she was so strong and brave, etc. etc., and she would look at them and say "I cry myself to sleep every night". Probably not the most gracious thing to say I guess. But I think she just wanted people to stop saying it.

I think people truly are impressed with how you handle it. Just because you're not perfect in private or in public doesn't mean we aren't still impressed.

Anna said...

Here here Chrissi! I totally agree. Just because you fall apart sometimes, doesn't change the fact that you amazing to me.

Lisa said...

I think by both of you talking about the issues and being willing to take on the challenge makes you strong. Some people can't even admit that they are having an issue and here you guys are, facing it head on and doing everything in your power to overcome, that is the definition of strength.