For those following along at home:

I'm 99% sure I'm not PG. AF hasn't started yet, but my temps have dropped a bunch, I'm cramping, my rings are turning my fingers black, and I got a negative pregnancy test this morning. I realize that it's not over until the witch shows (or whatever other sort of catchy phrase that is going around the all rainbows and butterflies message board) but I'm pretty sure I'm out.

I've got a call into Kim to talk about what our options are for next month - injectables or estrogen/clomid or a break or who knows what else. Jason and I talked and if they really think injectables is the way to go, then we're on board for that this month, which means I could be poking myself with shots as early as this weekend. As of right now we're ok to try that for 2 months. After that we'll take a break and talk about whether we'll continue treatments, just try on our own for awhile, or look into adoption (which obviously would be a long process anyways.) Our thought process right now is that if it comes to it, we'll proceed with adoption over IVF.

We did have a very long talk about adoption and both of us are on board, which made me feel better. It's nice to be able to say that no matter what, we WILL be parents. It may not happen the way we originally wanted it to, but we both feel like we have so much love to give and will be wonderful parents. It made the sting of this cycle being a bust a little less. I don't even really want to call adoption a backup, because that makes it seem second best. I guess it's just another option for us, and I like having options.

I'm really not trying to be a negative nelly. Who knows, we may try adding estrogen with the clomid and I'll get pregnant and none of it will matter. You all know me though, I like to have plans, and feel 10 times better when I have one in place.

That said, the rest of this week is going to be my time to be a little sad. On that note, if you want to cry, watch this:
I would die for that
(Disclaimer - obviously alot of those women have experienced more pain that I have, and I'm not trying to compare myself to them exactly, but today, I still feel like I can relate.)

Here's the words if you don't want to watch the video or listen to the song. (Although I suggest watching the video - it's very powerful with the women and the signs they hold up.) I'm not a huge fan of the first verse but everything after that is such a beautiful song.

Jenny was my best friend.
Went away one summer.
Came back with a secret
She just couldn't keep.
A child inside her,
Was just too much for her
So she cried herself to sleep.

And she made a decision
Some find hard to accept.
To young to know that one day
She might live to regret.

But I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that she had.
I would die for that.

I've been given so much,
A husband that I love.
So why do I feel incomplete?
With every test and checkup
We're told not to give up.
He wonders if it's him.
And I wonder if it's me.

All I want is a family,
Like everyone else I see.
And I won't understand it
If it's not meant to be.

Cause I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that they have.
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
For that kind of love,
What I'd give up!
I would die for that.

Sometimes it's hard to conceive,
With all that I've got,
And all I've achieved,
What I want most
Before my time is gone,
Is to hear the words
"I love you, Mom."

I would die for that.
Just to have once chance
To hold in my hands
What so many have
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
How I would love
What some give up.
I would die ...
I would die for that.