Monday 7/21

(I realize it's now Wednesday but I wrote this on Monday - just forgot to post.)

Lots and lots of talk about what we’re going to do next. I feel like I’m so flitty with it all – a year ago I would have told you that IVF would never be an option. Last week we were thinking IVF not adoption. Now we’re back to the adoption route …. I think. It’s not the IVF procedure that we have a problem with, or spending that much for a child, it’s that we could spend that much and still end up without a child. If it was guaranteed that after spending the $10,000 we’d have a child, then we’d do it. Or if they even knew WHY we weren’t getting pregnant and could tell me that IVF would help that it might make a difference.

I was on the IN Newlyweds board on Saturday (not baby related) and saw a post that was titled “St. Elizabeth/Coleman.” I opened it, not knowing what it was, and it was someone talking about doing their home study. They are an adoption agency in Indy. I went to their website and am now back to thinking we might consider that route over IVF. On a “it’s a small world” side note – they have a short video that Jason and I both watched – and the family doing the adopting on there – was our eye doctor! I think that if we decide to go that route that I might give him a call. I found a few adoption message boards and did some reading on there, and have also ordered the book “Adoption for dummies.” If this cycle is a bust then we’re going to a free informational session at St. Elizabeth on August 24th.

On the flip side, I’m asking our insurance agent to check and see if we can change policies to one that includes infertility coverage and how much more that would cost. That change would happen at the beginning of January although I’m not really holding my breath that it will happen.

Jason is checking to see if they have any sort of adoption benefits through Forum.

I’m sure some people will think that we’re jumping the gun, and that we should wait and keep trying, but we want a family NOW. I think what we would do is stop trying w/ help (maybe give it one more cycle after this one?), but not go back on bc or anything. For the application and homestudy (at that one agency) it would be about $2000 nonrefundable. The rest you don’t pay until placement. That whole process can take forever too so who knows, maybe we’d end up pregnant. Or I could end up pregnant after we adopt – I’m not giving up on it. I think the change in attitude is that we don’t necessarily consider adoption the last stop in the road. It’s just the path that we may have to take to get THIS child.

Or maybe I’ll be pregnant after this month and it won’t matter. :)