Ice Wine

I realized this morning that with pushing the start of next cycle a week, that means that there is no way that I can be PG and know it on our anniversary. So that means that we'll be breaking open the bottle of Ice Wine that we bought awhile ago at Oliver. It was good for a year, so we figured that if I was PG by our anniversary we could save it until the baby was born, otherwise we'd just drink it then. Looks like we'll be enjoying it in about a month.

Update

Just in case anyone wants an update - Kim is giving me an extra pack of Yaz so that I can push my period at least one week. As it stands right now I'd need to go in for my ultrasound right at Christmas and that just isn't going to work. Now I'll need to go sometime around New Years. This also gives the cyst another week to go away.

Because I felt the need to post

I found that picture on the same site I found the picture at the top of the blog.

I should be working. :)

Interesting article about diet and fertility

Article

This has some pretty good information in it. Most of it is pretty much to just stay healthy, but I though the dairy part especially was interesting.

I now have my motivation to lose some weight though! I've gained way too much since we started TTC. That in itself can cause problems, although no one has said anything at the doctor's office about that. Regardless, it would be nice to lose 10-15 lbs.

Taking a break ...

I had an ultrasound this morning and it started out with good news – the fluid that was in my uterus 2 ½ weeks ago is gone. Then for the bad news – the cyst is still there. It’s actually in my left ovary, not my right like I’ve thought all along. Instead of shrinking or going away, it actually got a little bit bigger. It’s 2 ½ cm x 3 cm x 3 cm, which isn’t huge (about an inch and a quarter), but it’s basically taking up my entire left ovary.

That means definitely no Clomid this cycle, because that would just feed the cyst. They’re also putting me on birth control. (I did get a free box of Yaz though, so at least that’s something.) I just never thought that I’d be put back on birth control to help me get pregnant. I was ok in the office, but then broke down a bit in the car. I just hate that we’re not trying this month, not to mention I’d had these visions of a BFP on Christmas morning. On the flip side, at least I won’t have to stress about anything over the holidays, and I can take a month off from charting. It will be nice to not have to take my temp every morning.

I’ll go back when my next cycle starts for another ultrasound to see if the cyst is gone. If it is then we’ll do another round of Clomid, a post coital test as an initial look at the sperm, a mid cycle ultrasound with a possible trigger shot, and timed intercourse. If the cyst is still there then I’ll be on birth control in January as well.

I just never thought that I wouldn’t get pregnant in 2007. I know that so many women have it much worse, but right now I’m going to feel a little sorry for myself. I also don’t want anyone who is pregnant or soon to be pregnant to not feel like they can talk to me. I really am ok, just going to have a pity party for the rest of the afternoon.

Thanks for listening. :)

Here's a shocker:

I'm not pregnant. AF arrived today, and I'm now eating my comfort food:

Is it any wonder that I've gained weight??

Anyways, I'm feeling fine about it - much better than prior months. That's probably because I knew that our chances were slimer than before this month. That, and my temps dropped 2 days ago so I knew it was coming. Speaking of that, if anyone wants to see what a chart looks like, here is a link to mine:

Laura's Chart

Ignore the first part - that's where several months or overlayed. Below that you'll find the cycle that I started today, and below that, last cycle. On last cycle's, you can clearly see that I did ovulate. When you do, your temps go up and stay up until the end of the cycle. It's a little hard to tell exactly which day I did - either the day before the first temp shift or the day before the second (which is what the software thinks.) It really doesn't matter - timing was good either way.

I called Kim and am waiting to see when I go back downtown. It will be sometime tomorrow or Thursday for an ultrasound to see if the Cyst is there and if this needs to be a "break" cycle or if I go back on the Clomid. So we'll see!

Just spoke with Kim ...

I just talked to Kim again and due to the lining and fluid they are concerned that I am a small % that doesn’t respond well to the Clomid. If that’s the case then I have to move to injectable hormones, which freaks me out. A lot. She was quick to say that we’re going to take it a step at a time, and not make that jump quite yet. She just wanted to let me know that they think this may be a possibility. She said that the cyst should go away on its own, so long as we’re not feeding it hormones. If it’s still there at the beginning of next cycle then I’ll have a break cycle from Clomid and start up again in January I guess. On the uterine lining thing, mine was at 4 – they want to see between 8 and 12. One of the side effects of Clomid is that it can thin the lining, which is what they’re afraid is happening. On the other hand, I am responding well to other aspects – my progesterone was fantastic last month, and I’ve certainly had the side effects. (Hot flashes are still driving me crazy.)

She did say though that it doesn’t necessarily mean that this cycle is a complete bust. Due to my cervical fluid I think that I might be gearing up to ovulate soon. She said it’s fine for us to keep trying, and it’s still possible, but I think the odds are against us (more than other months.) So feel free to cross all appendages that we get lucky this month.

Today's deep thought ....

Hot flashes suck. That's all.

CD13 Ultrasound

I went in today (CD13) for the ultrasound. It was the first time that I actually met the RE (reproductive endocrinologist) and I didn't particularly care for her, but that's neither here nor there right now. The ultrasound itself wasn't so bad - a little weird feeling because she really moved that thing around in me to see the left ovary better, but it didn't hurt or anything.

Anyways first she told me that my uterine lining was thin and that there was fluid in the uterus. I asked if that was bad and her response was "well, it's not good." Gee, thanks.

Then she looked at my left ovary and found a very tiny follicle - at this point in my cycle the follicles should be much bigger, especially because I was on Clomid. Then she looked at my right ovary and apparently there was a very large one that she says is a cyst. She said that it's probably left over from last cycle and something about that's why the uterline lining in thin and there is fluid.

She just didn't explain things well at all and I'm pretty confused. They obviously didn't give me the HCG shot and she also said not to come in for 7dpo bloodwork, but to call when my period starts and I'll come in before CD3 to do another ultrasound to see if the cyst is gone. If it is, then I'll do the Clomid again and come back in for another ultrasound midcycle and at that time do the post coital test as well. If it's not gone then I'm not sure what happens.

Kim wasn't there but called this afternoon to see how it went - I got a lot of "hmm" responses as I told her. She's going to call me on Monday after she has a chance to look at my chart. Since she wasn't there it was hard for her to talk to me as she could only go off of what I told her Dr. Shepard said.

So pretty much it's sounding like this cycle is a bust. :(

11/9/07

Not too much to update at the moment.

I handled the Clomid better this cycle than last. Fewer hot flashes, and the moodiness mostly seemed to happen while I was taking it, but died down afterwards. There were some rough days while I was taking it though – let’s see …. I cried because I didn’t like my dining room table, I cried because there are too many things in our storage room, I cried at a song on the radio (that wasn’t even a sad song!) Basically it’s like out of control PMS.

Tomorrow I go in for the ultrasound to check out the follicles – how many there are and the sizes of them. Should be interesting to see them on the screen. We may also do the post coital test that they wanted to do a few months ago. It will tell us if my cervical fluid has enough fertile quality (should look like a fern under the microscope) and if it's a welcoming environment to the little sperm. I guess we should also see them swimming around under the microscope - or if I'm not "welcoming" enough, we'll seem them all dead. It feels sort of like a science experiment. :)

I was having a bit of a bad day yesterday (mostly because of the time of year that is coming up) and as I was leaving, Laura (coworker Nick’s wife) and their daughter Natalie showed up. They left this for me on my computer to see when I got to work this morning. She's such a cutie!


And just so I don’t leave anyone out, Angie (boss Darin’s wife) also brought their daughter Lucy by yesterday. Her hat is so stinkin’ cute!

The plan for this cycle

I just talked to Kim and this cycle is pretty much staying the same. I'm on Clomid from CD (cycle day) 3 - 7. The difference will be that on CD 13 I go in for an ultrasound. Funny, I always thought my first ultrasound would be because I was PG. This will be a vaginal ultrasound, and they'll check my uterine lining (Clomid can thin it out) and the size of the follicles. From that they'll be able to determine how close I am to ovulating. They also can go ahead and basically force me to ovulate (we didn't go into how exactly - I think it's a trigger shot of sorts) if they think it's necessary.

Basically even though I had a strong ovulation last cycle, things are still a bit disjointed. All of the different signs that line up when you ovulate, aren't 100% lining up. Regardless, she said that we couldn't get any better with our timing, so I don't know.

Finally actually started

Even though all of the signs pointed to me starting last week, it wasn't until today that I finally did. I've had wierd spotting, but apparently that is from the Clomid somehow. Something I've learned through (in case anyone cares) is that you don't count the first day of your cycle until you actually have a full flow.

Now I guess I call Kim to find out what we do now. I'm doing ok today - it was last week that I got pretty upset. I will say that I have been super emotional the past few days though - way more PMSy than normal. I guess that makes sense because of the crazy hormones.

It's a new day

I’m feeling better this morning than I did yesterday. I went and got a book last night, The Conception Chronicles, that so far I love. It’s not super medical or totally funny, which I like. It’s written by 3 women who each took awhile to conceive. Basically it’s for anyone who is to a frustrating point in TTC. It’s helping.

I feel guilty sometimes for being upset that it’s taking this long. We’re only onto cycle #8, and there a lot of women who take much longer. It’s just that I never thought I’d have problems and so far we know of at least one – what if there are others? When I talk to Kim today or tomorrow I may ask if we should bump up the SA (sperm analysis) and HSG (test where they run dye through my tubes.) A lot of places do those before they put you on Clomid anyways, so I don’t think it’s too out of the ordinary. I don’t want to feel like I’m blowing things out of proportion though. Then again, if there IS a problem, I’d rather know now, then after trying for a few more months. It’s the same philosophy I had before we did the progesterone tests, and I’m so glad that we did. Otherwise I’d have kept trying with no luck, and not have had any clue why.

I read yesterday that if Clomid is going to work, it will happen in 3 months. I need to ask Kim what happens after that. I’m not trying to be pessimistic, but I’d just like to know what could happen. I *think* that the step after that is IUI – intrauterine insemination. Granted it all depends on if there is anything else going on, but in general that seems to be the next step. Hopefully we won’t get to that!

The witch is almost here ...

Well, I’m pretty sure that this cycle is also a bust. I’m cramping, I have watery CF (cervical fluid) (happens to me right before AF (Aunt Flo/period) – has something to do with the corpeus luteum disintegrating), my temp on its way down, and the telltale sign of my rings turning my fingers black. I guess I’m glad I didn’t waste a PG test. They always say that it’s not over until it’s over, but I’m pretty sure that it is. I know I shouldn’t get discouraged and I should be happy that the clomid worked at least, but I’m still pretty grumpy. I also don’t feel like doing anything except crawling back into bed and hiding.

I just went and got a white chocolate caramel cappuccino – maybe it will help. I wish I didn’t feel like such a sourpuss but I can’t seem to shake the mood.

New progesterone numbers!

Holy freaking cow! They called about an hour ago with my progesterone levels - it is 32.5!!!!! Last month it was 8.7 and we were shooting for over 10, but more around 15 because this was a medicated cycle. So um, I guess the Clomid worked!! Everything I've googled says that you can't tell if you're PG from these numbers, so I'm really trying not to get my hopes up. It doesn't help that the first thing she said after she gave me the number was, "Sooo, how are you feeling?"

Even if I'm not PG this cycle at least the Clomid worked!!! I didn't want to have to increase the dosage next month or anything because I was nuts enough on the dosage I was on. Ok, that's all! I'm so happy that the Clomid worked!!!!

A little background info ...

I thought I’d start this, mostly for me, but also in case any of you want to keep up to date with what is going on. I thought I’d do it this way for a few reasons.

- No one has to ask me about it. I can share what I want to share, and when I want to.
- I won’t email out updates, so if you’d rather not know this stuff you don’t have to. You can check here whenever you want.

Hopefully this won't have to be around for long! (Oh, and just so you know POAS = pee on a stick = taking a pregnancy test = my try at a little humor.)

So I guess a little background. I went off birth control back in March, and even though we weren’t really going to, we started trying then. I started charting on day 1, to get to know my cycle. If you’ve never heard of it, check out the book “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” by Toni Weschler. It’s a fantastic book even if you aren’t trying to have a baby. There were just so many things about my cycle that I didn’t know about.

Based on my charting, I could tell that I was in fact ovulating, and that we were timing things correctly. Most of the time offices won’t see you until you’ve been trying a year, but that’s also based on most people trying around day 14 and that’s it. Due to charting the entire time, I was able to get in sooner. I'm also very lucky in that we have a good family friend who is the nurse practioner for the Reproductive Endocrinologist's office downtown at IU Womens. We've been talking the past few months and then after 6 months or so they wanted me to come in. It also helps that I've been charting and using OPKs (ovulation predictor kits) and pretty much know my cycle frontwards and backwards. Anyways, they did bloodwork last cycle to check my progesterone levels, thyroid, and prolactin. Thyroid and prolactin came back fine. The progesterone levels were a different story. They do that test 7 days past ovulation (which for me wasn't until about chart day 31 or 32, as I typically don't ovulate until about chart day 22-24.) Anyways, anything over a 5 means that some sort of ovulation occurred, but it needs to be at least 10 for it to be a strong enough ovulation to conceive and sustain a pregnancy. They like to see a 15, but over 10 they consider "ok." My b/w was done at 8 days past ovulation (so should even have been a little higher) and it was only at 8.7.

Anyways, basically it all boils down to my hormones not doing what they were supposed to, which is also why I've been ovulating so late. So this cycle they started me on Clomid. I took it for 5 days (from chart day 3-7) and it tricks my body into thinking there isn't enough estrogen so that it will make more, which will then in turn (hopefully) create a better ovulation. It wasn't pretty while I was taking it - super emotional and lots of hot flashes. It has at least worked in the sense that it moved my ovulation up from CD23 to CD14. I actually go back for more bloodwork on Friday to check my progesterone and see if there are higher numbers. (Keep your fingers crossed that they are because I don't know that I can handle a higher dosage of the Clomid.)

The other thing is that on the OPKs I never get a dark line like you're supposed to - they are not catching my LH surge. If I’m not PG this cycle, then next one I'll be on the Clomid again, and start using the OPKs at CD11. If I don't have a clear, dark positive by CD13 then I go down for them to actually look at the ovaries and see what the eggs look like. The two other things that are tentatively on schedule for December if I'm not PG by then are a sperm analysis for Jason and the HSG for me - where they'll run dye through my tubes to see if they are cleared out. They were going to wait until after the first of the year probably for those 2, but as we're about to hit our deductible for this year, they'll do them in December. All of this is dependent on how the next few cycles go and the bloodwork we do this week.

It was rough the day that I found out about my progesterone levels last cycle and that I was ovulating but not good enough. It just sucks to know that something in my body isn't quite doing what it's supposed to but on the other hand it's nice knowing that we're working to correct it. It was also a little hard making the decision about the Clomid. The major side effect with it is that our chances of twins goes from 3% to about 12%. That's still 88% of people who DON'T end up with twins, but it's a little scary thinking that our chances are quadrupling.

For the most part I'm doing ok with it. People have learned to quit asking me if I'm pregnant yet (and this isn't even people who I'm friend with who knew that we were trying - just other nosey people.) The other fun part is when people tell me to relax and I'll get pregnant. Actually, that has nothing to do with it and for awhile there I was tempted to make a tshirt that said, "Guess what? I relaxed and it still didn't happen." The other hard part is that just about everyone I know (and I don't say this to make anyone feel bad, it's just the truth) has gotten pregnant within a month or so. That's not the norm, and I know that, but being around so many PG women and newborn babies is a little hard sometimes. Most of the time I’m just fine – there are just those few moments that I let myself have a good “feel sorry for myself” cry.