Jason just called me with a "mission accomplished!" Now we wait 3-5 days for the results. I'm not sure if I want it to be that there is nothing wrong with him, or that there is something wrong as long as it's something we can deal with. I mean, obviously I want him to be ok, but if it's something we can either correct or have a process to deal with it, then that might bring some relief as well.

The results should come in right around when I'm starting so hopefully we can make an educated decision on the best plan for next cycle.

One last post

Kristin just emailed me again after looking at my nest bio of wedding stuff. She and her DH (for you message board virgins - that is "dear/darling husband") are also Catholic, they took dance lessons for their wedding reception, almost danced to "Ain't that a kick in the head?" (we almost danced to it as well, but had it as our entrance song instead) and they went to the Riviera Maya for their honeymoon. All stupid silly things, but still very cool. :)

I'm a blogging fool

Last blog today! Jason has his SA scheduled for next Wednesday, so many positive thoughts his way. I think I'm more nervous about the process than he is. It was such a relief to schedule it - I just feel like it's keeping us moving forward.

Some more happiness

On the same board I was mentioning below, someone started a "sisters" program. 106 of us decided to do and emailed the girl our basic info. She matched us up with someone near us in the process to be our "T-TTC sister." I just got mine yesterday - her name is Kristin, she's 34, and lives in NH. The whole point is just to have someone else to talk to about everything and to help encourage and support. Anyways, I got matched up with a great person! I knew we'd be close in the process, but didn't realize how close. She and her husband have been trying about 3 months longer, but she's on her 2nd round of Clomid (I'm on my 3rd), she just had her HSG (we're trying to decide when to schedule mine), and her husband is having his SA next week (Jason's is scheduled next week.) What I wasn't expecting though was that she owns an event planning company and her mom died 2 years ago! We didn't have to answer any questions about any of that when we were matched up so it's just so weird (in a good way) that we were paired up.

On a side note - she and her husband own a rental house in the Hamptons - anyone up for a vacation?? :) Driftwood Landing

A good deed and some happiness

I've been pretty down lately. I did something the other day though that made me feel so good and wanted to share. I'm on a Trouble Trying to Conceive Board. Around Christmas we did a secret santa gift exchange. Well, I saw a post the other day that 2 girls had SS that fell through. It made my day when I received my gift and I felt so bad for those girls that didn't get anything. The limit was $25 and I couldn't do that, but I contacted the girl in charge and got their addresses and sent each girl a small package with a notepad, a candle, some lotion, and candy. I put a little card with each and signed it "a stand-in Secret Santa." I didn't want any recognition, it just made me feel good to do that. Well, yesterday one of the girls posted on the board:

"I am the luckiest Nestie! When I got home from work yesterday, there was a box on my counter addressed to me. I haven't ordered anything, so I was wondering who sent me something. I started to think that my Secret Santa nestie had finally sent my present, but instead...it was gift from a nestie that said that she'd seen my post about not receiving a Christmas gift. I can not believe that she did this! How amazingly sweet! Yesterday was a pretty miserable day on the heels of getting a negative beta, so it was truly a heart warming gesture! I am so lucky!"

Everyone replied about how sweet it was and how great our message board is. Then the second girl posted today:
"So- I posted last week that my secret santa never sent me a present- and how bummed I was because I love Christmas.
Guess what arrives in the mail today? A "stand in" secret santa sent me a box with a candle, notes, candy, and some yummy smelling lotion.... all "just because".
So thank you- thank you- thank you- to the sweetheart that made my day. There is something to be said for good karma- and whoever you are... I'm wishing good things for you. That was a very sweet gesture and it is so appreciated! "

Someone responded to her with:
"Wow - the girls around here really are great. This is the 2nd story like this in the last couple of days. I wonder who this good fairy nestie is. She certainly deserves some good karma.
Glad someone was able to make your day! How sweet."

So I did it to be nice and bring some brightness to someone else's day and even though they have no idea who did it, by their posts they brought a lot of happiness to mine as well.

Next steps

Jason is having a sperm analysis done sometime this week or next - I'm waiting to hear back when they want to schedule it. Everything after that depends on the results. (Just as an fyi - we weren't able to do the post coital this cycle, which is why we're skipping straight to the SA.)

If all is ok, then I'll probably be on Clomid again next cycle - tbd if they are going to increase the dosage or not. I'll have an ultrasound at the beginning of my next cycle to make sure that no cysts have appeared. We'll be checking my cervical mucus mid cycle, as it seemed to really decrease this cycle - a side effect of Clomid.

I'm waiting on a price list to determine if we're going to do the HSG (test where they run dye through my tubes) next cycle or wait. They normally do it after 3 good Clomid cycles. I've had 3 Clomid cycles, but wouldn't necessarily call them "good." It's basically up to Jason and I if we want to do the HSG now or wait. If we do it next cycle, it will be between cycle days 6 and 10. It apparently is over quickly and as long as there is no major blockage shouldn't really hurt - just some minor cramping.

We'll see how his SA goes and then make decisions after that.

C'mon little eggies ....

CD14 and no sign of O in sight. I feel like my ovaries need a cheering section.

The Tyra Show

From the Tyra show website:

DO YOU KNOW A WOMAN OBSESSED WITH BECOMING PREGNANT?
Do you know a woman who is obsessed with becoming a mom? Have you seen and heard her struggle for years, felt her unvoiced jealously and seen her desperation first hand? Have you watched silently for too long as she gets her hopes up only to be disappointed and heartbroken when she can’t conceive? Has she tried extreme methods and spent a lot of money to get pregnant with no luck? Do you want to finally tell her she needs to stop the emotional and physical stress on her body and seriously consider adoption or a surrogate alternative? If you know a woman who is obsessed with becoming a mom and getting pregnant, then SUBMIT BELOW. Please do not submit unless you are willing to appear on “The Tyra Banks Show".

The thought of this show disgusts me. It’s one thing to do a show on infertility and the struggles associated with it. But to make these women feel bad for wanting a baby? I just think it’s really low. Maybe the show will have a different tone, but the wording of this is just awful.

I shouldn't be doing this

But I love looking at baby bedding. I know I'm way ahead of myself, but I can't help it. So if we have a girl, this is my current favorite. It's "Spring Butterfly" from Pottery Barn. There is also a yellow version, but I love the pink one.


My favorite girl bedding before that one was "Katie" also from Pottery Barn. I like the softer colors of Spring Butterfly better though.


The other night Karen and I were at Burlington Coat Factory and I found boy bedding that I 100% fell in love with. So much that I seriously considered buying it, just in case. That would be stupid, but if we ever have a boy this is exactly what we want. (And yes, I can say "we." Jason loved it too!)



And this last one I just think is so cute. Maybe if we were having twins - boy and girl. I think this could be gender neutral? The little froggies are so adorable!

I hate Clomid.

Seriously, how much can one person cry in a weekend?

If anyone would like to take Jason away from the house for the next 3 days, I'm sure he'd appreciate it. :)

My new favorite commercial

Clear Blue Easy commercial

I'm cracking up at the "Without a doubt, it's the most sophisticated piece of technology .... you will ever pee on."

I had my ultrasound this morning and the cyst is gone!!! We looked at the right ovary first and she said it looked beautiful (although weirdly placed – she said that shouldn’t be too much of a big deal**) and then Jason, Kim, and I all held our breath as she went to the left one. It was clear! Well, besides the starts of some follicles, but that’s a good thing. The left ovary was also in a weird place –she had to push really hard to find it and get good pictures. I’ve never thought that the internal ultrasounds hurt before, until this one. It wasn’t awful, but definitely wasn’t comfortable at all. (In fact, almost 4 hours later now and it still is achy.)

So I start Clomid again tomorrow (still the 50 mg) and then I go back in sometime around CD13ish, for a post coital test and to check the size of the follicles.

** So side note - even though she said that the position of my ovaries isn't too much of a problem, it apparently could be making it harder for the sperm and eggs to meet. That seems to me like it IS a problem though. I guess it's not too big of a deal, and they move around a lot, but it still bothers me some.

Here we go again

I started my period today, and just scheduled my ultrasound for tomorrow at 11:30. Please, please, please let the cyst be gone.

On one of my message boards last night, someone posted that they had just gotten this necklace:

http://www.selenalynn.com/product.asp?pid=3968

The verbage on the card is retarded, but the idea behind the necklace is sort of cool and they have them for all sorts of "wishes." The little heart is on a silk thread, which is designed to wear off and break with constant wear. When that happens your wish is supposed to come true. Not that I completely believe in that, but I did think about getting it. Except that then I realized that I almost would feel like I'm saying that I do expect it to take awhile still if I buy it. Because it would take a few weeks to get here and then who knows how long to break. I want to find out I'm PG 4 weeks from now though. So even though I don't believe in that stuff, I still have decided not to buy it because I feel like I'd be jinxing myself. Yes, I'm an idiot.

That does remind me though - I can't remember if I've shown you all my bracelet. It's called the Angie Fertility bracelet (named after someone on one of my message boards) and there are about 200 of us now that have them. Mostly I wear it because I think it's pretty, but I also think it's neat how all of the stones represent different things.

Rose Quartz - is a delicate pink stone connected to love and serenity. It is known as a healing, protecting stone, said to help mend a broken heart. It is also said that Rose Quartz is a fertility stone, and a protector during pregnancy and childbirth.
Citrine - Symbols of Citrine are prevalent because of its popularity. For example, the 13th year wedding anniversary is represented by Citrine. Some have considered citrine to symbolize lightheartedness, hope and joy. In ancient times, people carried Citrine for protection. It was one of the stones on the breastplates of high priests of old. Its lore also says that it enhances mental clarity.
Pink Tourmaline - is both a protection stone and a stone associated with love. It is also said to be a regulator and protector of the female system, as well as a very protective stone during pregnancy and childbirth.
Amethyst - comes from the Greek "amethystus" meaning not drunken. The origin of this name resides with the god Dionysus and the goddess Diana. Dionysus, the god of wine, celebration, and intoxication, found insult by a mortal who had refused to acknowledge him. Enraged, Dionysus vowed to unleash his fury upon all mortals who did not partake in his gifts of wine and drunkenness. Straightaway, he spotted a young maiden named Amethyst who was pure and unfamiliar with drunkenness. The unsuspecting young virgin, who was on her way to pay homage to the goddess Diana, was captured by the wrathful god. Dionysus summoned two tigers to devour the young Amethyst and sat back with his wine to watch. Amethyst cried out to Diana. When Diana saw what was about to transpire she quickly transformed the young maiden into a glimmering white stone of Quartz to protect her from the wrath of Dionysus. Suddenly, moved with pity, Dionysus realized the viciousness of his actions and began to weep with remorse. As the tears dripped into his goblet, Dionysus collapsed and the tear-tainted wine flowed from the tipped cup onto the stone. The white stone absorbed the color from the wine, creating the stone we now call Amethyst. A symbol of sincerity and stability, the unique purple shades of Amethyst have been declared the "Rose de France". Shades of the color purple serve as a symbol for royalty. Amethyst has been known to adorn the crowns, rings, collars, bracelets, necklaces, hairpieces, earrings, staffs, thrones and other items belonging to powerful monarchs. Its calming qualities endow it with the soothing effects it has over those who suffer from addictions. As a stone of great healing and meditative powers, Amethyst is a purifier as well as a mediator of energies of the mind, body, and spirit. It is considered the stone of sobriety.