From yesterday (day after IUI)

I hesitated with whether or not I wanted to post this, because it shows just how crazy I really am. I decided to though, just so I'm able to look back and laugh. So anyways, I wrote these yesterday:

"I've officially completely lost it. So IUI was yesterday, and I wanted to back it up, just in case, this morning. Instead I slept in. I got to work and realized that oddly enough I still have tons of EWCM, which means maybe I didn't O yesterday? Or maybe I still am in the process of, I don't know. I was so crampy yesterday that I was sure that's what was going on. The washed sperm don't last as long, so now I'm freaked out that if I haven't yet, then those are already dead. So I'm so sick to my stomach that we didn't do anything this morning. I even thought about it when I woke up (late) but just didn't feel like it. I'm such an idiot. I called Jason to see if he can meet me home at lunch (yes I've turned into that person) but he can't take a lunch today because he left early yesterday and so he has to let his other desk person leave early today, which means he doesn't get a lunch. So then I panic and start crying. I still have lots of EWCM so maybe waiting until tonight will be ok, but what if it isn't, and we don't get pregnant because I slept in this morning and didn't try to get something done. I'm such a freak and have turned into that person that they write IF books about. Seriously, I'm trying to figure out if we can do it in the bathroom of his work! What is wrong with me? I really am having a semi panic attack right now."

Then later:
"Still not happy about our chances at all, but am not freaking out anymore. I really think I fit into all of those crazy TTC books that are out there. And I wouldn’t really want to do the bathroom thing – I’m not exactly what you could call adventurous in that department. Just shows how crazy I was feeling. I’m just really trying not to think about it all because it makes me sick to my stomach. It’s frustrating because nothing is an exact science. We don’t know exactly when people ovulate after the trigger. I’ve read anywhere from 12-72 hours – that’s oh so helpful. I also wonder if I could ovulate out of one ovary one day, and the other ovary the next day. We don’t know how long washed sperm last – I’ve read anywhere from 6-72 hours, with it seeming to be mostly around 12 hours. We don’t know when in the ovulation process pains are felt, or when the mucus actually is supposed to dry up. I wasn’t temping this month at all so I can’t look for a temp rise, but that may be a good thing."