Argh.

I am so over all of this TTC stuff. I’m STILL not ready to trigger! Lining went up some to 8.2 and follicles are at 17.4, 16.6, and 13.1. So more shots tonight and then in the morning, with another scan at 9:30. Trigger has to be tomorrow night with IUI on Friday because we’re out of meds after tomorrow morning. Besides, if they aren’t big enough tomorrow I think they’ll cancel this cycle anyways. I’m just so fed up with it all. Dr. S was in the room with Kim and I heard her say that with the follicles not being there, and with my estradiol being “appalling” that we should go another day. So then I questioned Kim about the estradiol and she said that she doesn’t like to use that word and wants to stay optimistic. Finally I had to ask what it SHOULD be. I guess if I’d had 3 growing follicles yesterday (16.5, 14, 12) they would have liked to see around 500. I had 270 or 290 yesterday. She said today that ideally they want 300 per mature when I trigger. Awesome, just freaking awesome. My ass hurts. We have to find a place that doesn’t feel bruised to do the dumb shots. I’m sick of having my blood drawn. I’m sick of driving down there. I thought we were ready for a break before the start of this cycle – now there is no question. I’m half tempted to quit now, it’s not like I really think my crap body is going to do anything this month. You just have to remind me of this when next cycle starts and I’m in an optimistic mood and want to keep trying. Who knows if I actually will be, because this is the most fed up I’ve ever felt, but I really want to take a break. I feel like my ovaries are revolting. Kim even said my left was taking a break – I have a 5 and a 7 in there. So they need a rest, I need a rest, Jason needs a rest … Not to mention that if my insulin is still high, maybe this would give it time to work itself it. This is all just a bunch of crap and I am so over it. Somebody get me a freakin’ donut.