Weekend update

We went out on a boat on Saturday with some friends. We haven’t seen them in a year (or talked to them) and really don’t have much in common anymore. (Not that it’s all that relevant, but just pointing out that none of our real friends would be like this.) Anyways, they asked how the TTC stuff was going. (We never told them we were – Shannon used to work for Jason’s dad so last year Roland told her that he was hoping to be a grandpa soon.) Anyways, I had two different conversations about it – the first with Shannon. It ended with her telling me that it would happen when it’s meant to be/when it’s supposed to/etc. I understand the sentiment, but on CD2 it wasn’t something I wanted to hear. I held my tongue and kept the response to something like “sure, but it sucks that other women are apparently meant to be moms now and I’m not.”

So then later Jay starts talking to me about it. He’s sort of a know-it-all-nurse. He proceeds to ask me, “Do you ever think the problem is that you’re trying too hard?” Umm, no. “I’m sure if you’d just relax it would happen.” Gee thanks. And while he didn’t directly say it, he gave off the “it really hasn’t been all that long” vibe. Can I kick your ass now? He also told me that he said the same thing to a woman he works with. At first he made me feel bad, guilty almost, that we were trying so hard. Like we really were doing something wrong. Then I decided to stick up for myself and educate him, politely of course. I told him that basically it was the worst thing he could say to someone going through infertility. No, I don’t think we’re trying too hard. And don’t you think I’ve tried the relaxing thing? And that basically when he’s telling me that he’s saying that it’s MY fault, all because I’m not relaxed enough and I want it too much. Sure, stress can delay ovulation, and if people are only trying around CD14 they might have troubles. But at this point, timing is not our issue. We KNOW when I’m ovulating. Stress isn’t messing it up. Then he decides to tell me that really I should try some all natural path – he could help me with that and make sure that I’m taking all the right vitamins and minerals. Thanks, but I’ll take what my doctor tells me to take. I know that there are benefits to some of it, but he sounds like such a quack when he’s talking about it, and it pissed me off.

In other weekend news, I had my u/s and b/w yesterday and we started the Lepori last night. We’ll be adding progesterone in the 2ww this cycle. I go back on Friday for another scan. Oh, and we had my FSH tested – it came back at 5. Anything under 10 is good, so at least something is going ok.

I’ve been on such a rollercoaster all weekend. I was doing fine on Friday morning, then went a bit hysterical while talking to Kim. Got back in control, and had a massage on Friday night – which was wonderful, but I cried during it. Saturday I was mad at everyone. Yesterday I was fine until Jason gave me my shot and then was upset for a few hours. I’m scared to death that none of this is going to work. Sure, Kim is optimistic. She’s been optimistic for the last year though. She was convinced Clomid would work. My mom and Jason’s mom just know it will happen. Thanks, but where is this all knowing power coming from? I appreciate the support and hope that people have, it’s just hard to believe it myself.