2dpiui

I'm feeling MUCH better today. More even/level. Not hopeful, but not pessimistic/discouraged either. Let's see if I can stay here for 2 weeks!

From yesterday (day after IUI)

I hesitated with whether or not I wanted to post this, because it shows just how crazy I really am. I decided to though, just so I'm able to look back and laugh. So anyways, I wrote these yesterday:

"I've officially completely lost it. So IUI was yesterday, and I wanted to back it up, just in case, this morning. Instead I slept in. I got to work and realized that oddly enough I still have tons of EWCM, which means maybe I didn't O yesterday? Or maybe I still am in the process of, I don't know. I was so crampy yesterday that I was sure that's what was going on. The washed sperm don't last as long, so now I'm freaked out that if I haven't yet, then those are already dead. So I'm so sick to my stomach that we didn't do anything this morning. I even thought about it when I woke up (late) but just didn't feel like it. I'm such an idiot. I called Jason to see if he can meet me home at lunch (yes I've turned into that person) but he can't take a lunch today because he left early yesterday and so he has to let his other desk person leave early today, which means he doesn't get a lunch. So then I panic and start crying. I still have lots of EWCM so maybe waiting until tonight will be ok, but what if it isn't, and we don't get pregnant because I slept in this morning and didn't try to get something done. I'm such a freak and have turned into that person that they write IF books about. Seriously, I'm trying to figure out if we can do it in the bathroom of his work! What is wrong with me? I really am having a semi panic attack right now."

Then later:
"Still not happy about our chances at all, but am not freaking out anymore. I really think I fit into all of those crazy TTC books that are out there. And I wouldn’t really want to do the bathroom thing – I’m not exactly what you could call adventurous in that department. Just shows how crazy I was feeling. I’m just really trying not to think about it all because it makes me sick to my stomach. It’s frustrating because nothing is an exact science. We don’t know exactly when people ovulate after the trigger. I’ve read anywhere from 12-72 hours – that’s oh so helpful. I also wonder if I could ovulate out of one ovary one day, and the other ovary the next day. We don’t know how long washed sperm last – I’ve read anywhere from 6-72 hours, with it seeming to be mostly around 12 hours. We don’t know when in the ovulation process pains are felt, or when the mucus actually is supposed to dry up. I wasn’t temping this month at all so I can’t look for a temp rise, but that may be a good thing."

Usual stressing

I'm now doing my normal, are we timing the IUI right stressing. They do it 36 hours after trigger, but what if I ovulate before that? I've read anywhere from 24-72 hours after trigger. They also say that the egg can last 12-24 hours. That sperm can last 2-5 days. So let's evaulate:

We had sex on Saturday. We were told to because we thought we'd trigger that night, and Irena really wanted the sex to be 48 hours before IUI. If the IUI was today, I'd feel totally comfortable with it. However it's tomorrow. So by then it will have been 72 hours since we did the deed. So if I ovulate early, will the sperm still be alive? Sure they CAN last up to 5 days, but most don't. So do Jason's last 3 days? And if I do ovulate early (we are now less than 24 hours from the IUI) will it matter because the egg can in theory last that long? Except that what if mine only has 12 hours?

I just get nervous with all of this timing stuff. I really really really want to have a little parrot head baby. :)

Fins to the left, Fins to the right

The Jimmy Buffet concert is tomorrow, as is my IUI. I realized that in theory if all goes well, some fertilization could be occurring while I’m at the concert. I pictured the swimmers dancing around to some Buffet music, and then I decided that when Fins starts, Jimmy will be singing to my little eggies while the swimmers are trying to do their job:

Can’t you feel ‘em circlin’ honey?
Can’t you feel ‘em swimmin’ around?
You’ve got fins to the left, fins to the right,
And you’re the only bait in town.

Perhaps with this serenading, good things will happen. :)

Afternoon update

Irena called this afternoon and my E2 went up only a little bit to 542. Truthfully I'm happy with that because it probably means that there are only 2 mature eggs. We were prepared for the chance of triplets, but I feel better knowing that it's probably more of twins being the highest possibility. She also said that LH was about 7, and that doesn't indicate any sort of LH surge. (Google tells me that it would be over 20 to be considered a surge.) So with that, I'm triggering at 1:30 in the morning, with the IUI at 1:30 on Tuesday afternoon.

I keep trying to tell myself that even if this doesn't work, we should be so happy because I finally am responding well. Maybe if I tell myself that enough I'll believe it? I really AM happy about it, but I really don't want to get my hopes up.

CD11 :)

MY LINING IS 9.1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It looked thick on the screen and when she measured it and I saw 9.1, I started crying. :) For the first time we can say that my lining isn't an issue. Follicle wise - 19, 19.3, and 17.4 - so there is a possibility of triplets. Honestly that scares me, but at this point we're going for it. She's going to call me with my E2 and LH results. If I've started to surge on my own (although the OPK this morning didn't pick it up) then we'll trigger sometime today to help it along, with the IUI tomorrow. If I haven't started, then I'll trigger tonight with the IUI 36 hours later on Tuesday.

I am so freakin excited!!! I know that it doesn't mean that I'll get pregnant, but for the first time we actually have a real chance!

CD10

I had an u/s and b/w this morning and it went well! First, without me even telling her about my increased mucus, when we were looking at my lining she pointed at an area and told me it was my cervical fluid that we were seeing! There has never been enough to see on screen before, so I was pretty much ecstatic. My lining measured about 6.9, which is the second thickest we've ever seen it. Follicle wise I have 3 in play - one is just over 18, one is about 16.5, and the other is 15. The next largest one is 11 and then I have 4 other smaller ones so we're not concerned really about any of those.

About 2 hours after we got home, she called me with my estradiol levels - 512!!!!!!!!! We are so very very happy with that. They want to see 200-300 per mature follicle, but keep in mind that all of them are releasing some. It means that I probably have 2 that are mature or very close to it. The highest my E2 has been before was 290. 512 is my new favorite number. :)

Dr. Shepard decided to scan me again tomorrow, and we'll trigger tomorrow night and IUI on Tuesday. This will give my lining some time to thicken and we might end up with 3 mature follicles. The only thing I worry about now is if I ovulate beforehand, so I think I'll bring that up tomorrow. I think that when they do the b/w they can check my LH and tell if I've already started to go. If that's the case then maybe we'll do the IUI on Monday.

Even if we don't end up pregnant everyone is so happy (Jason and I included) that we finally seem to be making some improvements. For the very first time my body seems to be doing what it's supposed to.

EWCM!!!!!

So all day long I’ve noticed an obscene amount of cervical fluid. Large globs of slippery, stretchy, semi egg-white consistency. I am so thrilled by this! Normally I might notice a small amount of it, but that’s if I go up there checking for it. Today, there is so much that when I wipe I get a lot. I'm fairly certain that increasing estrogen causes the change in cm, and if that's the case then I am SOOO happy! Estrogen is what thickens your lining, and Estradiol is a form of estrogen. So to my way of thinking, if I have so much more than normal, then my lining will be thicker and my E2 will be higher! I have another u/s tomorrow so we’ll see!

Isn’t it odd the things that make me happy?

CD7 afternoon

On the follicles – they said that basically I have 4 that could be in play. I doubt it by the end, which is fine, because I don’t really want 4. Kim told me that even if I got pregnant with the 4 follicles, it’s an 80% chance that I’ll only have a singleton pregnancy. Still, 20% chance I could have 4???? She also said though that they are going to be more aggressive with me now. If it was the first month trying, no way would we go with 4. Given that we’ve not had the best luck in the past though, they are willing to take more chances. Still, I’m hoping for 3 mature ones tops. The lining – I’m not really sure what they want right now. Between 8 and 13 on the day I trigger, with over 7 being the goal.

Irena just called me – my estradiol was 145 today. That’s better than it ever has been. A day later it was 112 and 77 in past cycles. So maybe that means I actually have one (or more) decent eggs starting. By the time I trigger they want to see 200-300 per mature egg.

I’m going to continue with the 3 vials/day and go back on Saturday for another check. Kim said that I can go back Friday if it would make me feel better, so we’ll see. Based on growth rates of past cycles I should be fine for Saturday. Based on past cycles I might trigger Saturday or Sunday, with the IUI on Monday or Tuesday. (Wow, what a full day Tuesday would be if that’s when we do it!) IUI and Buffett!

CD 7

Just got back from u/s. I was happy when I left, but after going back and looking at previous u/s around this day, I’m not so sure.

Lining: 4.8mm (Obviously better than any Clomid months!)
Right ovary:
11.0
9.6
9.0
6.4
6.0
4.9
Left ovary
11.2
A tiny tiny one that we didn’t measure
They have to call me later with my estradiol levels.

In the past 2 injectable cycles we didn’t scan until CD8 (today is CD7) so we can’t exactly compare. The follicle sizes seem comparable, but in both other cycles my lining was 6mm by CD8. Granted, I’m not at CD8 yet, and the 4.8 is way better than the Clomid months that were only 4.7 on CD12 or so. It worries me though. I guess we’ll see what my E2 is. As a point of reference, both prior months it was super low – 77 and 112 on CD8. So over that would be nice.

Also after much talking, I think that Jason and I have come up with a “plan” – because we all know how much I love plans. Granted, I’ve lately had a tendency to change the plan daily, but for now this is what we’re thinking:

Try Lepori (the European generic injectable) this month. If I respond well (and by that I mean that my follicles, lining, AND estradiol are all where they should be) and just don’t get pregnant, then we’re willing to try 2 more of these cycles. If I’m not pregnant by the end of that, then we’re done. Trying a new drug at that point seems pointless, if I’m already responding well to the one I’m on.

If I DON’T respond well this cycle, then we won’t do anymore lepori cycles. I would like to do a Repronex (the name brand, US injectable) cycle, but Jason (and me too if I really think about it) want them to convince us that it really might make a difference. It would basically cost us $1000 more than the lepori. So if they can convince us, we’ll try the Repronex. If I respond well to that but just don’t get pregnant, we *might* be willing to try one or two more of those before we’re done. If I don’t respond to it, then we’ll be done after one.

As of right now we will not be doing IVF. If by some small miracle I can get TechDyn to add it to the insurance policy, then we’d do it after January 1. Otherwise we’re moving to adoption. If I’m not pregnant this month, regardless of what comes next based on my little flow chart, we’ll be going to that adoption seminar in August.

We’ll still semi-try on our own – but without the hassle of charting, OPKs, etc. I still feel like (since there really isn’t any obvious reason that I’m not getting pregnant) that my hormones/body chemistry could change, and I could end up pregnant later. We want to go ahead and start the adoption process though because we don’t want to wait anymore to start our family.

So that’s our plan. I like plans. I’m seriously considering trying to make a flow chart type of diagram that shows my plan. :)

Monday 7/21

(I realize it's now Wednesday but I wrote this on Monday - just forgot to post.)

Lots and lots of talk about what we’re going to do next. I feel like I’m so flitty with it all – a year ago I would have told you that IVF would never be an option. Last week we were thinking IVF not adoption. Now we’re back to the adoption route …. I think. It’s not the IVF procedure that we have a problem with, or spending that much for a child, it’s that we could spend that much and still end up without a child. If it was guaranteed that after spending the $10,000 we’d have a child, then we’d do it. Or if they even knew WHY we weren’t getting pregnant and could tell me that IVF would help that it might make a difference.

I was on the IN Newlyweds board on Saturday (not baby related) and saw a post that was titled “St. Elizabeth/Coleman.” I opened it, not knowing what it was, and it was someone talking about doing their home study. They are an adoption agency in Indy. I went to their website and am now back to thinking we might consider that route over IVF. On a “it’s a small world” side note – they have a short video that Jason and I both watched – and the family doing the adopting on there – was our eye doctor! I think that if we decide to go that route that I might give him a call. I found a few adoption message boards and did some reading on there, and have also ordered the book “Adoption for dummies.” If this cycle is a bust then we’re going to a free informational session at St. Elizabeth on August 24th.

On the flip side, I’m asking our insurance agent to check and see if we can change policies to one that includes infertility coverage and how much more that would cost. That change would happen at the beginning of January although I’m not really holding my breath that it will happen.

Jason is checking to see if they have any sort of adoption benefits through Forum.

I’m sure some people will think that we’re jumping the gun, and that we should wait and keep trying, but we want a family NOW. I think what we would do is stop trying w/ help (maybe give it one more cycle after this one?), but not go back on bc or anything. For the application and homestudy (at that one agency) it would be about $2000 nonrefundable. The rest you don’t pay until placement. That whole process can take forever too so who knows, maybe we’d end up pregnant. Or I could end up pregnant after we adopt – I’m not giving up on it. I think the change in attitude is that we don’t necessarily consider adoption the last stop in the road. It’s just the path that we may have to take to get THIS child.

Or maybe I’ll be pregnant after this month and it won’t matter. :)

baseline u/s

Currently I have the start of some nice follicles - one in my left ovary, and two in my right. That could change with the drugs, but that's what we see now. My lining is 3.2mm. I'm taking 3 vials/day of Lepori (the injectable drug) and will go back on Wednesday morning to see how things are looking.

Fees

IVF price list = a scary thing.

We're still not quite to that point yet, but close enough that it's time to see fees and talk about it all.

More later ...

PS - I can post it if people want to see it, I don't mind. I just don't want to shove money stuff in people's faces.

The kiss of death

My temp dropped this morning. Combine that with an actual BFN on a pregnancy test that is more sensitive - and I'm not pregnant. I'll be calling Kim once AF arrives.

Argh.

I’m 13dpiui, and I really don’t think I’m pregnant (even posted an official BFN below.) I think I’ll be ok if I’m not – I just want to know. Sure I’ll be upset but I think I’ll avoid the mental breakdown that I had last month. I’m not expecting to be pregnant anyways. Not that I was last month either, but I just feel like I’m in a better place now.

So, my morning:

My temps – I feel like by now they are normally on their way down. (Although this is my first Femera month, so maybe things will act different.) If you look at my chart, this morning’s was a little bit lower – but I woke up an hour and 35 minutes earlier than I normally do to pee. If you use the temp adjustor on FF, it tells me that my temp actually would have been 98.19 at the normal time, which is obviously going up. I don’t completely trust that though, so I really have no idea. Frankly if I knew for sure that’s what it would have been, you’d be talking me down off of a ledge right now. It just figures that one morning that I really want to know what my temp would be, I wake up early.

I then decided to take a pregnancy test. Took it – it was negative. Didn’t even cry – just accepted it and went back to bed. When I woke up later I realized that I took the wrong damn test. I meant to buy the First Response Early Result, and instead bought the Rapid Result. That one doesn’t apparently work until after you miss your period. www.peeonastick.com doesn’t list that one’s sensitivity, but google has told me that it’s 100! So at 13dpiui I doubt it would have given me a positive anyways.

So then I decided to use the Clear Blue Easy Digital that I have – it says it can detect a few days early. I’ve avoided that one because I didn’t want to see NOT PREGNANT, but I just really wanted an answer this morning so I decided it was worth it. So, I pee on the stick and wait the 3 minutes while the little hour glass is flashing. And then ….. a freaking blank screen!!! The damn thing errored on me!

Like I said, I really don’t think I’m pregnant, but I just want to know – I hate being in limbo!

IUI Day

I don't feel much like blogging, but IUI #5 was today and all went well. Guess we'll know something in two weeks!

**Update written on Thursday**
I thought I'd write a little more about it, just so I can remember it later. It was the easiest it's ever been to get the catheter in - just slid right in. I've read that if the IUI is timed correctly, it should be easy because of the cervix position. So maybe this one was timed better than others? (They've all been 36 hours after the trigger, but who knows when I actually ovulate.) Also, she said that I had no mucus at all. Typically that would worry me, but I know I had a bunch Tuesday night/Wednesday morning. It dries up after you ovulate, so in theory, that egg could have already been released and was sitting there waiting on the little swimmers. Going along with that, my temp went up this morning, so that also tells me that it was yesterday that I ovulated. Kim and Irena were alot more optimistic then they've ever been, so we'll see.