Another big sigh ...

Had another u/s and b/w today. My largest follicle is 18, but nothing else grew. In fact the two 12s stayed right where they were. She expected to see those at least at 13.5/14. My lining is only 6.4. We'll get the estradiol levels back later today.

It's not a lost cause, but she's not thrilled. Half the time I think she's afraid of really telling me that because she doesn't want to discourage me.

Basically my body/ovaries aren't responding the way they're supposed to. There is some sort of hormonal/chemical malfunction, and especially at my age this shouldn't be happening. If I'm not PG this month they may run some more tests.

On the estradiol levels - it does indicate the maturity of the egg, not so much the follicle. Higher E2 indicates a more mature egg. This is how I can have a nice sized follicle, but low E2. Whether the estradiol makes the egg mature, or if the mature egg produces the estradiol, I'm unclear of.

If I'm not pregnant this cycle (and let's face it, is anyone optimistic about this?) we're taking a break next month. We'll be on vacation and I don't want to deal with it. If they want to do some tests, I'm ok with that next cycle, just to get them out of the way. When we start back trying again I'll be on some different meds to see if I respond differently. Kim really feels like it's a matter of time. Eventually with injecting the hormones, my body should have a lightbulb moment and start behaving the way it's supposed to.

She said that we can plan on a total of 6 cycles of this (I'm in #2) before moving to the next step. That can change, just depending on how each cycles goes and what new things we learn.

When we started this process Jason & I were completely against IVF. Not against it in that we think other people shouldn't do it, but that it just wasn't for us and we'd adopt instead. We have slowly become more open to that option though, and if it comes to that it's going to be a hard decision to make.

We do know that for now we'll keep trying down this road. We had talked about only doing 1 more month of it and then stopping for 6 months or so, but at this point we plan to continue. Knowing me I'll change my mind again tomorrow, but that's the plan for now.

So now we just wait for my E2 back this afternoon. Maybe it will be great, and I'll get PG, and none of it will matter!